


Almost Easy

by Jac_A7X



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-03 17:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/700879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jac_A7X/pseuds/Jac_A7X
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt Sanders, he's always been the tough guy of Avenged Sevenfold. What could possibly go wrong with five guys constantly living in each others faces, no rest from Johnny and Jimmy's pranks and jokes, no rest from Syn and Zacky's constant battle of guitar extraordinaire supremacy. Definitely no rest from male tempers and egos. And of course, Matt had the biggest of both there. But everyone knew that if you hurt or upset anyone of his friends, you'd have hell to pay. But what if it was himself that hurt his friends. Tell me, what could possibly go wrong? </p><p>Matt's always angry and the others can't figure out why, he wont tell them anything and gets violent. Brian seems to be the one constantly meeting the other end of Matt's fists, oblivious to the reasons behind his friends actions. Val is the only one who knows why but insists she can't tell them, Matt has to accept it himself and man up. Find out what happens...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okays, so, here's the first chapter of my first story on this site, it's also posted on Mibba.  
> I've got about 7 chapters pre-written so far. Take a read and let me know what you think?

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"Jimmy, get your ass back here!" Johnny panted while trying to catch up with the long limbed drummer, "That's not fair! You're cheating!" We all laughed as Johnny gave up, resting one hand on his knee and the other clutching at his ribs, he was stooped over and breathing frantically.

"Jesus, Jimmy, don't kill our bassist." Zacky managed and erupted into more giggles as Johnny had started jumping for whatever item the blue eyed man had taken, he was clawing desperately at Jimmy's chest, almost groping him, eyes widened with desperation.

"You fuckin'... Give it...! Jim-- argh!"

"It's not my fault you can't reach it, short shit!" Jimmy beamed and held it low enough for the younger man to reach before snatching it away again and out of his grasp. Johnny just gave up muttering a 'fuckin' have it then' and flopped on the couch beside the two laughing guitarists.

"Ahhw, Jim give it back to him, he'll sulk for the rest of the tour if you don't." Brian teased, Johnny shot the slender man his best death glare, and although he knew it wasn’t going to achieve anything he could still attempt, the three elder men only erupted in more laughter. In response to this Brian just pinched the bassist's check between his fore finger and thumb and shook it gently, "Poor wittle Johnny wants his toys back."

"Fuck you, man! I should not have to put up with this kind of abuse! Jimmy , give it back! NOW! And you two, shut the fuck up!" He screamed, pushing himself up off the couch and pointing a finger at them, he knew his threats meant nothing to them but he was getting really annoyed. Brian made a sarcastic remark and rather than just walk away like usual, the height challenged man scrambled up on the couch, stomping on Brian's gentleman area in the process to get revenge for the said remark, before leaping in Jimmy's direction and clawing at the tall mans arms to retrieve his belonging. Jimmy leaned backwards and the two men soon ended up wriggling around on the floor, Johnny grunting empty threats and Jimmy roaring with laughter.

"Fuckin' have it, short shit! Jesus. You earned it for using your brain, Superman!"

"Finally, you fuckin' dick!" Jimmy teasingly snatched it away again before ruffling the small mans hair and passing it back,

"Tsk tsk tsk Hope you don't kiss mama Christ with that mouth, short shit.... Ya know, you need to find your manners. Because **that** is the way to get a lady. If that’s what you go for, of course...." He rambled and trailed off staring distantly at the table leg, the drummer then sat on his knees and slowly turned to stare at his short friend, his face merely a centimeter away. Johnny, gazed awkwardly at the soft, pink lips that were hovering by his own, after opening his mouth slightly to say something he was beaten by said lips crashing sloppily onto his own. Before Johnny could close his mouth or pull away, he felt a moistened tongue gently slide over his lower lip, then forcefully rammed into his mouth, discovering what ever it could reach. Although Johnny’s mind hadn’t completely processed what was going on, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, he loved the contrast of the gentle tongue across his lip followed by the harsh thrust into his mouth, he was just stuck. He was secretly enjoying it. As not to arouse suspicion from the guys, he started trying to free his smushed arms so he could push the dominant man off him and leave to hide his flushed cheeks.

"Oh shit, looks like we've ended up in a fucking gay porno, Zacky!" Brian shouted whilst elbowing the slightly shorter man, and again, they ended up howling with laughter and holding onto each other so they didn't fall off the couch. By this time Johnny had fully gained his bearings and was thrashing and clawing at Jimmy's chest, it was no use but hell did he want out! He spun his head to the side, managing to be free from the soft, pink Jimmy lips long enough to scream several profanities.

"Fuck you Jimmy! Get the fuck off me! No no no! NOOO! **FUCKING HELP!** "

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING! ! IF YOU ALL DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M GONNA COME IN THERE AND RIP ALL YOUR BALLS OFF! YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?!" It was silent as the four men in the main bus area stared in the direction of their aggravated singer. "I SAID, DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME!" They all settled down and murmured in response. "Jimmy get the fuck off him! Do that elsewhere you fucking fags!" Jimmy was grabbed by the back of the shirt and hauled off the small man with a high pitched 'eek', ass hitting the floor at Matt’s feet with a muffled thump. The smallest member of the band sat in the same place, eyes wide and mouth still parted, he really looked like he was about to cry. “What the fuck is wrong with you!” As Matt begun his sentence, Johnny harshly wiped at his mouth and with a sniff he was up and charging for the door. Paying no attention, he barged into a broad, solid chest and stumbled backwards, Matt growled and grabbed the bassist with ease.

“Get the fuck off me! Leave me alone!” He hollered without thinking, the singers glare intensified, blood boiling with rage. He didn’t like the small man telling him what to do. Towering a good few intimidating inches above the bassist, he clasped onto the younger mans shirt and pinned him face height to the wall, the small mans feet hovering off the ground. A small whimper emitted from Johnny’s throat, he didn’t know what he did wrong but he knew not to say anything when Matt was in these ever-more frequent moods. Grasping onto the arms of the hazel eyed man, Johnny begged for what he feared might end up being his life, “M-Matt, please, I- I… _fuck_ , I didn’t mean it, Matt. Please!” The anger fueled man didn’t relent, his fists just clenched tighter as he raised it to punch the frightened young man.

“Whoa, Matt, M-Matt. Think about this. D-don’t… Just… Just put him down, okay?” Brian cautiously edged over to the man he thought trusted him, he thought his friend would have told him if something was wrong. But he didn’t, he wouldn’t. Brian was genuinely concerned, and right now, he was instinctively concerned for the bassist’s safety, although they where always mean to him, they all loved him so much and were always there to get him out of trouble. They’d literally take a beating for him, and Brian knew it might end up like that now.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!” With that, Matt punched the wall beside the quivering bassist’s head and spun around to be face to face with a wide eyed Brian after he felt the guitarist slender fingers resting on his shoulder.

“Calm down, Matt. Please?” It was now Brian’s turned to be grabbed by the collar by the bulkier man.

“DON’T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK I SHOULD DO!”

“O-or not. Just… T-try not making too much of a mess when you kill Johnny?” Brian breathed barely audible, but Matt heard, Matt always heard, he was actually terrified. He’s never been terrified of Matt and definitely never backed down but something in those hazel orbs compelled him not to challenge. The well-toned singer’s eyes burned with fire, he was so full of rage he couldn’t think twice about slamming his already bloodied fist into the guitarist’s face and forcing a knee to his thin ribcage. Finishing with a swift couple of kicks to the longer haired man’s ribs, Matt was satisfied he had done significant damage at the sickening crack sound and gasping breaths that forced their way from Brian’s mouth. Feeling the need to add an appropriate comment to remind Brian why he received this punishment, Matt crouched down and pulled the gasping man up to a sitting position by his perfectly spiked, soft black locks.

“I told you **not** to tell me what to do, you bastard.” Matt stated simply, face blank and tone less readable. After slamming Brian’s head forcefully to the solid floor, the singer stood, composed himself and strutted off the bus like he’d done nothing. Leaving the shaken bassist still pressed up against the wall in fear with wide eyes, Jimmy and Zacky crept to Brian’s side to check him over and soothe his whimpers and groans of pain.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Zacky asked gently tugging his friends black v-neck t-shirt up to smooth and rub over the already black and blue surface with his cold palms, the thinner man could only lay in pain wincing at the touch.

“I haven’t a clue, man, but I don’t like it.” The blue eyed wonder spoke slowly and carefully, “The bastard. I think he’s cracked a couple a’ ribs, we should take him to get checked out.”

“NO!” Brian gasped, “Agh. I’m fine, really. He didn’t mean that, any of it, he’s just got shit on his mind.” His chest heaved making him wince again and screw his face up with closed eyes, Zacky just shushed him and followed Jimmy’s lead of propping an arm under Brian’s and slowly helping him stand. Zacky coldly stared at where their 5th brother had walked out, and spoke once more, voice cold and laced with hate,

“Well, he’s got to sort his shit out. Fast. Or he’s gonna have hell to pay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think should happen next?  
> Why do you think Matt is behaving like this?  
> Should they take Brian to a hospital?  
> Was Jimmy's kiss innocent fun or hidden lust?
> 
> Care to let me know? Or just think to yourself and come back to read the next chapter?


	2. Chapter 2

"Aghhh. _fuck_ " Brian whimpered whilst trying to shift in his chair, he was in complete agony and tears were threatening to fall from his eyes again.

"No no, don't. Just stay there." Zacky soothed and rested a hand on the chocolate eyed mans arm. Brian reluctantly sat back and visibly winced. They had been here for what Brian felt like was hours, and frankly he was getting sick of waiting.

"Fuck man, what are we gonna do with Matt...." Jimmy trailed off, rubbing comforting circles on Johnny's back. He had stayed quiet throughout the ordeal on the bus and thought he'd gone unnoticed, that was until Jimmy had pulled him in his lap at the hospital and, basically, cradled him in his lanky arms like he was a baby. Any other time, the bassist would have screamed at the tall man but right now.... he was loving it. And it was calming his emotions. Win win don't you think?

"He does - ahh - he doesn't mean it." Brian strained the words past his lips earning a sigh from Zacky.

"Look man, he can't jus-"

"Uhh... Haner. Brian Haner?"

" --You're up, man. Lets just get you checked out and get back to the bus, eh?" Zacky slowly helped Brian stand and walk to the cubicle the doctor had walked to.

"Okay, what have we got here?"

"I'm in shit loads of pain! What does it- Aghhhhhh **fuck**!"

"Bri, just don't move if hurts!" Zacky demanded, clutching on the thinner mans arm and back to steady him.

"I would also advise you to watch your language, this is a hospital, there are children around. If you could just take your shirt off and sit on the bed, I'll be back with something for the pain." The doctor left without another word to get Brian's relief while Zacky prompted the pained man to lift his arms.

"Fucking finally! Douche."

"Bri, if you don't shut it he might not help you, so just.. be cool, yeah?" Satisfied with a small huff from the guitarist he continued, "Now I'm gonna try doing this slowly, kay? Just, i dunno, hold your breath or something?" Brian took his friends advice, he didn't think it would make a difference but it was worth a try.

" **Fuck**! Fuck fuck fuck! Zack i am gonna kill you! **FUCK**!" Zacky had slowly lifted the tee shirt but once it got to Brian's shoulders he just tugged it off.

"Jesus, Brian.... I was gonna say 'i know you wanna fuck me but resist it' ... But... Shit! This is worse than it looked before!" Zacky stated, feeling in no mood to joke anymore. He brought up a hand to glide over the bruised areas but was stopped at Brian's warning,

"Touch and die, Zack! It hurts bad enough," Brian's demand turned to a whine.

"I know dude, i know. Fuck, Johnny woulda been screaming if this was him. Why'd you take the punch for him anyway?"

"Like you said, he'd be- Ah, bout time dude!"

"Oh, good." Noticing the doctor walk back in Zacky stepped to the side to let the man use a level of expertise Zacky knew he'd never achieve. "Black and blue i see." The doctor let out a long sigh as he looked Brian over, "What exactly happened?" He motioned for a nurse to come in and hook Brian up to get some pain relief. Upon hearing silence, he got slightly frustrated, "Well? I can't help you unless i know what happened...." Both guitarists looked at each other.

"Uhm," Zacky started, "Y'see...."

"A friend of ours was getting picked on for his height, cuz he's... on the small side, and i stepped in cuz.... well, the guy was easily twice his size." Brian managed through gritted teeth giving a quick glance at Zacky. "Can you help me now, Doc?" After studying his patient for a few silent seconds, he accepted their reply, after all, it was barely a lie. He just left out the fact that it was their friend who beat him up and that he didn't punch back.

"Okay boys, i won't question. Right. This will hurt but i need to know the extent of the damage, like if theres internal bleeding, Okay?" Small nod and grunt from Brian. "I'm going to check your breathing, Okay?" A grunt from Brian. "Lean forward for me then...."

_* Some time later *_

Zacky and Brain strolled back to the waiting area to find Johnny and Jimmy walking towards there as well.

"Jesus. I leave you for a little while and you already get in trouble! What the fuck did you do!?" Zacky yelled.

"Green Bean here, thought it'd be hilarious to chase me around and ended up running into a door." Johnny giggled earning a smack round the head from Jimmy. "Owch! Jeez...."

"Shu'up man! It wasn't my fault! The door ran into me! Can't help it if doors don't look where their going."

"Of course Jimmy." Zacky pressed his lips together, he couldn't believe how childish the pair could be. Brian stifled a yawn which ended in a wince of pain. He was sure the meds he was given weren't doing anything to numb him. "Lets go home guys, Brian needs to rest."

"How bad is it?" Jimmy's eyes intensified for a moment as he thought about what Matt had done but his expression soon turned to that of concern for his friend.

"Cracked a coupla ribs, split lip, black eye, heads pretty banged up and he's got a minor concussion, pretty badly bruised up everywhere though." Zacky answered looking sadly at Brian, he regretted summing it all up. He didn't want to think about the damage Matt had caused.

"Lets go to the bus." Johnny sighed, bringing everyone one of their thoughts.

"Yeah, and quick so i can murder Matt in his sleep and be gone by morning...." Jimmy mumbled earning a tired glare from Brian as they exited into the parking lot.

"Don' you dare, he didn' mean it. Ya'know he didn'!" He was going to say more but broke into a sequence of yawns, each more painful than the one before it.

"We'll see about that Br- whoa, what the fuck Johnny" Zacky's head snapped to the two men beside him, "Are you holding my hand?!" Jimmy yelled stopping in his tracks to stare down at the small man's hand that was indeed attached to his own.

"Yeah" Johnny looked at their hands and back up at Jimmy, a wide smile spread on his lips.

"Oh," Jimmy continued walking, "Why?" He peered down at the small man again. Johnny was thoughtful for a second, so he could come up with a plausible reason.

"... So you don't walk into anymore doors?"

"Oh... Okay." Jimmy exhibited that infectious smile of trouble as he spun the small man around, hoisted him over his shoulder and began running to the car. Johnny kicked and screamed all the way.

"Crazy asses." Zacky mumbled catching up to Brian who had just kept walking. "Feeling any better?" Brian lazily glared at him.

"Fuck no."

"I guessed not," Zacky gave a small smile but it soon disappeared, "Why d'ya think Matt's acting like this?" Brian's hand absentmindedly hovered over his aching ribs as his face fell into sadness.

"I- I don't know, Zack, but it's scaring me. I ....." He let out a choked sigh and swung his fist at the wall next to them, with a frustrated cry he punched the brick work again. With a small whine of pain he banged his head on the wall in defeat, hand lifting to softly rub over his ribs again.

"Oh man, Bri, it's alright. We'll figure it out soon, yeah?" Zacky pulled his fellow guitarist into a hug in time for Brian to let out a frustrated groan.

"I thought he'd tell me i-if something w-was wrong! I thought he t-trusted us Zack! Trusted me."

"I don't think _he_ knows whats up with him Bri... He can't tell anyone if he don't even know.... Come on, lets get to the car and make sure Bean Stalk and Garden Gnome haven't killed each other or had each others babies."

Brian sniffed and slowly nodded rubbing his tired eyes. Zack placed a hand under the slightly taller mans chin, forcing their eyes to meet, "Smile?" Zack asked, letting an encouraging smile display on his own lips. Brian groaned and pouted, eyes looking anywhere but into his friends jade orbs, he eventually relented and smiled as he looked back at Zack. "That's my man." He stated as he slung his right arm over Brian's shoulder and guided him to the car where Jimmy and Johnny were waiting impatiently.

"Jeez guys! Take your time much! Lets.... Oh." The bassist ended his sentence as his eyes met Brian's sorrowful ones. "What's up, dude?"

"Lets just go back to the bus. I'm too tired." Brian stated as they all entered the car.

"Matt better not try anything when we get back!" Jimmy growled watching everyone do their seat belts up, he only received glares from the other three for his threat, "What? I'm just saying! .... Seriously? .... Stop staring at me, guys. I know I'm beautiful, just resist it alright. .... Good, that's better. Now. HOMEWARD ZACHARY!! MUSH!"

"Don't tell me to mu-"

"MUSH ZACHARY! GO GO GO!! DRIVE YOU MUTHA-FUGGA!!"

"Alright! Jesus Jim! Stop yelling!" They all started laughing as Zack started up the car and pulled out. He abruptly stopped, forcing Jimmy to fly forward and smack his already injured forehead on the back of the drivers seat.

"Fuck man! What was that for?!"

"Tsk tsk. Seat belt Jimmy-boy....... Oh, and err, don't call me Zachary." He revved the engine and started their drive back to the bus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friend didn't know what 'mush' meant, in this context it means go. If you didn't know, now you do. ;)
> 
> Let me know what you think?  
> Or bookmark it (or whatever it is you do o this site, i'm not too sure) so you can read the next part? I promise it gets better.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

“Oh my _God!_ For the love of all that is holy, Jimmy! Will you quit singing _Barbie Girl!_ I thought we heard the end of this when Matt was obsessed with it and you threw the CD out the damn window! I don't even want to know why you had that CD in the first place!” Zack whined, the drummer had been singing screaming the song at the top of his lungs for the whole drive from the hospital, and frankly Zack was willing to do anything to shut the man up. Jimmy just laughed mischievously and continued to the chorus even putting on an annoying high-pitched voice. “fuck sake!” The green eyed man mumbled chucking his cigarette butt to the floor.

“OH. MY. GOD! ZACKY! ZACK!”

“What Jim!” What did you—oh **shit**!”

“W-what do you think happened?” Johnny mumbled.

“Matt…” Brian’s whisper was barely audible.

The inside of the bus was wrecked.

The couches now bared several tear marks and the cushions were thrown around the main bus area ripped apart, items of clothing were torn and trampled on across the floor and couches, the kitchen area was a mess and it appeared someone had gutted the fridge and freezer and thrown the contents on the floor along with everything else that wasn’t bolted down. Glasses and mugs were shattered on the floor. The large mirror in the kitchen area was smashed, it looked as if it had been punched several times as it was smeared thickly with blood. The sliding door that separated the bunk area and the main area was ripped from its place, presumably discarded on the floor most likely under where the boys were currently standing.

Their trip through the bus to inspect the damage was slow due to the fact the carpeted floor was barely visible and the boys attempted not to step on anything breakable or of sentimental value, when they finally made it to the bunk area they stopped, mouths agape. Every bunk was shredded of their belongings and their sheets, one of the mattresses was pulled down and ripped open blocking the hallway to the lounge area, the sheets and clothes that were thrown around were smeared with blood and the frame of the middle bunk was plagued with fist indents and a mass of dripping red. Pushing the mattress to one side and haphazardly crawling across it they found the next sliding door cracked in half and bloody too.

Upon cautiously tugging it as open as it would go, the splintered wood snapping and creaking in protest, the boys stood frozen for a moment, mouths and eyes wide with shock. The recording equipment out of place on the floor, a couple of guitars snapped in half here and there, sheet music and lyrics were scattered across the floor dowsed in blood. The back window had been smashed, the Xbox in pieces beneath it still plugged in to the pulled over TV. What was under the TV made the boys gasp in shock and worry.

Beneath the TV was no other than their brother, their singer, their best friend. Matt Sanders. Out cold with broken, bloody knuckles and a bottle of alcohol loosely in his unconscious grip.

After what seemed like far too long to be standing in one place staring at the current situation in complete shock and disbelief, a high-pitched shrill scream rung through the bus. “My new bass! OH MY GOD! H-HE…. THE BASTARD BROKE MY **NEW** BASS!!” Johnny launched himself in between the two taller men, throwing himself to the floor beside his demolished instrument. “No no no no no…..” He mumbled almost religiously whilst scattering around on the floor searching for the pieces of splintered wood that once connected together to form the custom design of the guitar body. “No no NO NO! That fucking a-asshole!”

As Johnny’s whining subsided he twisted his upper body right to glare at the unconscious man, brow furrowing and lip curling, a snarl forced to rip from his throat. The small bassist suddenly thrust his weight back and launched his body to the side of the vocalists, yelling cusses and screams as he started unceremoniously beating his little fists down on every reachable body part. Primal screams tore from his lips laced in anger and masked hurt as Zack and Jimmy jumped to their senses and attempted to haul the youngest away. With a few dignified kicks and heel digs to Matt’s back, ribs and left bicep - and a few much less dignified sobs and squeaks - Johnny’s quivering frame was lifted with ease and held back by long slender arms.

“Calm the fuck down, Johnny! This isn’t helping!” Zack crouched by Matt and set the near empty JD bottle upright, “Jesus Matt….”

Nimble fingers spun Johnny on the spot, teary brown searching out concerned blue, “Now kid, you gotta calm down, Okay? For me? Please….”

Forcing a slow nod and several sniffs in reply he was abruptly pulled into a gentle hug. “Okay. Well, we need to sort this out. You can kill Shadz later, hell, we all can.”

As Jimmy aided Zack in lifting the TV, they reached the conclusion that dragging pure muscle, that was easily twice their combined build, all the way to his bunk would be virtually impossible. Deciding the couch a couple of feet away to be more realistic they cleared it off and grabbed a limb of their vocalist. Zack grabbed at shoulders, Jimmy grabbed at legs and Johnny grasped one large, limp hand in an almost comforting hand-shake-like manner - pretty much being no help in lifting the singers' weight.

Upon settling the large man in a comfortable looking position, finding a pillow and blanket, the boys looked around and at each other wondering what exactly went wrong and what the fuck they could do about it all. Jimmy was the first to break the silence,

"Hey. Where the hell Brian go?"

They all looked to the doorway to notice he hadn't followed them. Confused, and worried he might have passed out, Zacky quickly backtracked to the main bus area in search for the lean guitarist.

"Brian.... Where the fuck are you?! Brian!" Zacky raced outside, no one was there. Back inside, he found a puzzled Jimmy.

"Hey Zaaaaaack...."

"Not the fuck now, Jim! I can't find Bri!" Zack started gripping harshly at his hair, "He was with me when we walked on the bus, right?"

"Jesus Zack, calm down, it's okay, he's-"

"Don't fucking tell me to fucking calm down!"

 _This is the last thing we need! Out tour bus is trashed, Matt's bust up and wasted, Brian's bust up and missing, Johnny's scared silent, Jimmy's a crazy ass, and me, i'm, well fuck. I'm me! It can't get much worse! We're gonna have to cancel the to-_ Zack was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts and his pacing, all he knew was his cheek stung and everything was shaking. When his world focused again he noted Jimmy yelling at him, squeezing his shoulders between long lean fingers and violently shaking him about.

".. not helping the situation. If you'd shut up and listen you'd know that im trying to tell you something!"

"Jim, fuck man, stop!" After grabbing Jimmy's arms and forcing the man to calm, Zack composed himself. "It better be about Brian...."

"Jeez Zacky, you sound like a mama ducky whose lost all her little duckies-"

"Jimmy!"

"Or maybe you're in love with him! Oh my, you two should marry! Ooh ooh, you'll let me-"

"Oh my god Jimmy!" Zack rolled his eyes at his friend's typical behaviour, "Brian! Where are you?" He left the blue eyed man to plan out the marriage of the two guitarists, a marriage that would never happen because Zack was only concerned for his best friend.

The rhythmist thought about where Brian could be, Zack was sure Brian had enough sense not to wonder off and he had been far too tired from the after effects of the drugs. It suddenly hit him that when Brian was tired, Brian slept. Everyone knew that - even if it was the difference between life or death - you don't stop or wake a sleepy Brian. Stepping cautiously towards the bunk area again, Zack noticed the middle curtain was closed. Tugging it open forced a breath of relief from his lips.

"That motherfucker..." Zacky sighed as he lifted a hand to stroke away soft stray locks of dark hair that had fallen out of place. Brian was comfortably snuggled up amongst a heap of several blankets, lips gently parted, chest slowly rising. The perfect picture of a peaceful slumber in a situation far from perfect or peaceful.

"Jimmy tried telling you Brian was fine and sleeping, Zacky ignored Jimmy cuz Zacky loves Brian... But it's all okay. Cuz Jimmy loves you all." Jimmy's loud voice boomed through the silence causing Brian to shift and furrow his brow slightly. Zacky rolled his eyes and commanded the lanky man to start putting everything back where it belonged as he bushed more hair away from Brian's face and gingerly pulled one blanket further around the sleeping form.

Zacky soon returned to the main area to help the drummer and bassist with a heavy sigh. "This is gonna be a long night."

"I don't think tomorrow is gonna be any better man" Johnny empathised running a hand over his face and looking around sadly. "H-how's Bri?"

"Oh uhm, he's sleeping it off, ya know... He's gonna be so sore tomorrow."

"Okay well lets fix this shit so we can get some sleep and deal with The Incredible Sulk in the morning, huh?" Jimmy voiced.

"Shit, yeah. I almost forgot about Matt." And with another heavy sigh, the boys were back to work clearing up the wreckage their singer had left. _A long night indeed..._ Zack thought to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting fact: Barbie Girl really was a favourite of Matt's at one point and Jimmy really did throw the CD out the window, funny thing was... it was actually Jimmy's CD. XD
> 
> Let me know what you think, i really want to know. There's no point in writing this story if no one is reading it.
> 
> It's pretty easy and quick to comment y'know. Even if it's just to let me know you're reading! Please comment...


	4. Chapter 4

After a very long night clearing up the bus and attempting not to wake Brian or stir the newly labeled Incredible Sulk - courtesy of Jimmy saying it all damn night - the boys had retreated to their freshly made bunks for well deserved rest. When the three men next woke it was a result of yelling. Instantly recognising the voice to be Matt's and hearing the word 'Brian' angrily roll off the bigger man's tongue, Zack swung himself out of his bunk. By the time he had registered the other guitarist's bunk as empty he had already reached the back lounge, fear sparking deep in his stomach with the sight of Matt pinning the thinner man to the wall, hands gripping his throat, hips pressed tight, noses almost brushing.

"Matt, no... Not this again, **please**! Just tell us what's wr-" Abruptly, with a snarl from Matt's throat, Zack was thrown out of the room by the collar of his faded black tee-shirt and the door was slammed shut. Despite the door being splintered and cracked, the broad man locked it to prevent physical interruption.

In seconds Zack was on his feet pounding at the wood joined quickly by Jimmy. Matt had already paced the few steps back to the leaner man and again was pressing his body against the others in an almost arousing and intimate manner, hands on either side of the perfectly sculptured face. Matt subtly rolled his hips and softly groaned, he quickly blanked the sudden desire out of his mind, scolding himself for thinking such a thing. _Just my dick talking, that's all._

"You **broke** my Xbox...."

"M-Matt... Please man, i-i didn't break your Xbox! I pro-shit- i, i promise, PLEASE! I wouldn't do that. You know i wouldn't do that! Im not that st-stupid! Matt you- you need t-to calm down and te-"

"Who did then? Cuz you're the one whose gonna pay for it so you better remember who did!" After receiving more whimpered pleas and apologies Matt deemed he had put up with enough, he just couldn't take all this fuss anymore. He was becoming overly frustrated and frankly quite pissed off with the chocolate-eyed boy.

"Brian shut up..." Matt whispered, face void of emotion. The slightly older man continued to stutter out apologies and pleas, though his pride and ego could prevent himself from crying in front of the larger man there was nothing to stop the shaking tearing through his bones like frail tree through a storm.

Zack and Jimmy relentlessly pounded on the door, watching the scene through the cracked wood. Zack frantically started pummeling his fists into the damaged area and started kicking at it in an attempt to break in. Jimmy commenced shouting a spew of lisped cusses and threats regarding Matt's future health if the guitarist was harmed. All the emotions and frustrations becoming too much for Matt, the yelling, the banging, with fists clenched too firmly, nails digging little crescents, head throbbing mercilessly, knuckles screaming in unworded pain, the shaking, the pleading and whimpering, all just too much for anyone to take.

" **I SAID SHUT UP**!" The muscular man punched the wall to the left of his best friends' head. A startled, and un-manly, yelp pulled itself from deep inside Brian causing him to drop said manly barrier and cry without option.

"Matt please! Just tell me w-what's wrong, i-i can't...." Matt shoved himself away from the smaller man when gasped sobs reached his ears. As Brian started gasping for air - a result of working himself into a near panic attack - Matt started pacing the room running his cold hands through his needs-to-be-cut hair, "... can't do this anymore man! We're all worried about you... Just tell someone! We can help. We _want_ to help! I don't even care if you hurt me anymore, just-" Brian regretted those words because as soon as they left his lips, a heavy body was pressed tightly against his, angry hazel boring into scared chocolate.

All the thoughts swirling wildly in Matt's skull, the dense heavy atmosphere of early morning, the cold chill in his bones, the heavy ache in his heart, the searing throb in his still bloody knuckles, the thumping boom behind his eyes, the banging and shouting through the wooden barricade, the creaking protest of bending snapping wood, the vulnerable state of his best friend, the smell that could only be Brian, the tears, shaking, pleading, begging, eyes shut, head back, parted lips, exposed neck, warm body, soft flesh, ready to nip, bite, slap, grab, lick, tease, love and kiss, he moved closer, lips brushing, heat rising, hips rolling, hands searching, blood rushing, looking for the love he'll never have, its all so perfect but not for him... Never for him. Neither M. Shadows or Matt Sanders can have. _Off limits and so totally straight despite what you'd think._ Matt bitterly thought to himself.

In pure frustration, Matt calmly sighed and looked once more into frightened forbidden eyes before locking his jaw and furrowing his brow, emitting a animal like growl and snapping his fist into the guitarists' pretty features. If he wasn't good enough for Brian then he'd make sure no one else would want him. Brian made little noise but gasping and choking breaths as Matt brought his fists down again and again. On the verge of passing out the usually-cocky guitarist gave up all strength and ended up on the floor with fists pummeling down on him relentlessly. He vaguely registered yelling and a blur of Zack busting through the splintered door, grabbing at Matt with unknown power. Briefly noting to himself to thank Zack and to send his guitars to Schecter for re-stringing, he passed out with one final tear streaming down his red tainted face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So very sorry it's been a while! So many coursework deadlines and upcoming exams! 
> 
> PLUS, with the excitement for the new album!!! I'm watching that timer and counting down every second with it! Tomorrow at noon..... I wonder what the news will be!
> 
> But.. to the matter at hand....  
> This is a sad one, but it has to get worse to get better. No one realises they need help until they hit rock bottom i guess. I think i went a little overboard on some parts of this chapter....  
> So, tell me what you think, tell me what you didn't like (Matt's behaviour for example), tell me anything! :D
> 
> On an unrelated note... My English teacher told me she cried (and i mean like, shed a few tears not bawled her eyes out lol) after reading my creative writing coursework because it was 'brilliant and so amazingly written'.... I still have a hard time believing that..... I wan't sure what to say.  
> A friend has convinced me to post it on here and on Mibba when it's all done and sent off (not before though... don't want them to think it's plagiarism!)
> 
> So yeah... TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK PLEASE!?


	5. Chapter 5

"Matt you fucking asshole! I'm gonna fucking **kill** you!" Zack screamed, face turning a violent shade of red from the effects of severe rage as he struggled against Jimmy's unrelenting restraint. Back leaning into a firm chest, legs up and kicking out in an attempt to injure the vocalist or break free from the drummers grip, a question briefly entered his mind... _How the Hell is a lanky fucker like Jimmy supporting my fat ass?_ He quickly pushed it to the back of his mind and continued with his thrashing about. His actions were to no avail and he soon gave up as Matt let out a deep chuckle, he was sure the blue-eyed wonder wouldn't be releasing him anytime soon though.

"He deserved it! You keep running your mouth and you'll get the same!" The larger man boomed while prodding a strong finger into the chest of the powerless guitarist, narrowing his eyes to show he meant business. "Fight me if you think you got a chance..."

Jimmy ducked his head and lisped out his utterance at a volume only Zack could hear, staring up at the rage-fueled singer with wide crystal eyes, "He'll kill you... You can't fight him. Let him leave and we'll help Brian. That's all we can do right now." The shorter male growled but relented, taking note of his friends serious tone that scarcely presented itself. Relaxing back into Jimmy's firm, boney grasp, he continued to stare at his challenger with returned anger. None of them would dare spare a glance at the body of their friend on the floor as a result of undeniable fear, they couldn't bare to see the extensive damage Matt must have caused but they also didn't want anyone else hurt. If Zack or Jimmy looked, they knew they wouldn't be able to hold back. If Matt looked, he knew he'd break and as far as he was concerned, that was never going to happen, he's too manly for that; his reasoning behind his physical displays of manliness.

"I didn't think so..." Were Matt's final words as he sharply patted Zack's pale chubby cheek and walked out.

It stung but Zack refused to let anyone know that, he just pressed his lips together and fought back any insults his mind was desperate to let out. On the outside he looked blank but on the inside he was screaming, at Matt for what he did; shutting everyone out and letting himself get to this destructive stage. At Jimmy for holding him back; for being stronger than he looked and for always knowing what to say. At whatever idiot put sliding doors in their tour bus with locks. At himself for so many reasons.

Zack stared at the ceiling trying to contain his anger and tears of frustration before his gentle imprisonment was suppressed, the slow movement brought him out of his mind and back to the situation. The two men shared a look at the door, where Johnny had recently appeared and their 5th brother had - again - walked away, and then towards the battered man on the floor.

Jimmy slowly approached the figure, kneeling down, he hovered his hands over the others' chest hesitantly. Almost as if he expected Brian to be conscious and scream out a spew of cusses if he touched anywhere painful, which looked like pretty much everywhere right now. He retracted his arms wincing and pointedly stared at Zack, who had also knelt down next to his injured friend. For once, Jimmy didn't know what to say.

"We clean him up and put him in his bunk I guess." Zack answered the un-worded but plenty thought about question, his voice coming out cracked and quiet as he broke the deep silence. He cleared his throat and moved to find a wash cloth to do just what he suggested. Johnny gawped at the two older men with what Jimmy noted could be described as the perfect goldfish impression. He closed his mouth eventually, but his lip was still quivering, eyes soft, expression full of sadness and defeat.

"B-but he... he needs medical assis-"

"No! They ask too many questions Johnny! Don't be such a stupid little gnome!" Surprised by the harsh tone of his own voice, Jimmy stood and embraced the smaller man, "Kid i'm sorry, I didn't intend on being mean, ya know that, right?" Subtle movement against his chest suggested the bassist nodded so he continued, "Hospitals ask too many question, and considering he was there only yesterday too..." He stole a glance behind his shoulder to see the bright glint of a lip ring in the early morning sun, snakebitten lips pressed together, the bottom one being slightly gnawed at by a row of teeth and raven hair draped over watery emerald eyes as Zack cautiously wiped at Brian's face. He had managed to remove Brian's tee-shirt to assess if there was anymore damage, it looked like there was a large angry bruise forming over his shoulder and collar-bone, adding to the previous injuries and bruises the day before. Turning back with a heavy sigh and resting his head to the side of the shorter mans, Jimmy whispered, "I love you Johnny, don't forget that." He sighed contentedly before realising what he confessed, his breath hitched in his throat as quickly added, "W-we all love you. Even the Incredible Sulk does, Kay?" With a small sniff, Johnny pulled away gazing up into Jimmy's icy blues before casting a wide-eyed and wary look towards the guitarists and then back to Jimmy's watchful gaze.

"Y'know, we should, uhm, probably should get him to his bunk..." The rhythm broke the silence followed by a deep sigh. "Jim, i think you could probably pick him up, ya know, to, uhm... Yeah."

Jimmy's lanky figure loomed over the sill unconscious body, observing the now visible damage, "Does it strike you as weird that the damage seems, minimal... Compared to what we all know Matt _can_ do."

The others avoided the blue eyed gaze, knowing he was right they pondered the question silently but it just posed more unanswerable questions. Jimmy crouched by the guitarists side again and scooped him into his arms with convenient ease. Carefully side stepping through the doorway, Jimmy laid the guitarist in his bunk and tugged the covers over his now-bare, bruised chest.

"We need to talk to him don't we... I'm gonna go find him." Before anyone could disagree or put their two cents worth in, the tall man had already waltzed out the door in search for the singer. Zack sighed and let the drummer go. He ran a hand through his hair and down his face, he was already exhausted, he picked up his guitar and the first plectrum he saw, situated himself amongst the cushions of a couch and began playing in the hope of relaxing a bit.

\---

The first people the sticks-man encountered was none other than the Berry's who were, as usual, messing around. Arms draped over each other's shoulders, lips set into grins and laughter erupting into the morning air.

"Hey dudes, you seen the Incredible Sulk?" The brothers broke apart and grinned towards the taller man. Whilst sharing a thoroughly entertained look with his brother, Jason spoke,

"And who exactly might 'the Incredible Sulk' be....? As Jason laughed, Matt cued in on who Jimmy was asking for, clasping a hand on Jason's bicep he smiled,

"He means Shadz, man! Is that his new nickname? Ha ha ha! That's great! I like it!" They both started laughing again and Jimmy couldn't help but let a reluctant smile grace his lips as he softly chuckled. _This is how it should be._ He thought.

"Boys, as much as I would love to hang around and laugh with you, i really need to find him..."

"Well, it just so happens that we do know of his whereabouts..." Jason smiled. His brother finishing for him with an almost identical smile,

"... He went round the side of the venue a few minutes ago, couldn't have gone far."

"Awesome, thank you. Now stop slacking and get back to work boys, you don't get paid to stand around laughing." The drummer teased with a toothy grin. The Berry's laughed and fake saluted their friend, returning to their initial conversation and bursting with more laughter as Jimmy walked in the suggested direction.

\---

As he neared the corner of the building, Jimmy could hear things being kicked about, the harsh thump of fist meeting brick followed by more obscenities in the gruff throaty tone of the singer. He sighed and readied himself for the forthcoming confrontation, he hadn't thought about what he'd do if he actually found Matt. As the noise around the corner stopped, Jimmy readied to reveal himself and question the other but hastily stopped when he heard Matt yell at himself,

"Fucking sort yourself out! You can't have what you don't deserve! He's well out of your league anyway. Fuck! Why does everything have to be so difficult? First sign of a problem, you immediately jump to using your fists, asshole. Literally put your fist thorough it and fuck everything up more! You've screwed everything up Matt... Your friends hate you, they don't want to know you, your girlfriend hates you, she don't want a screw up like you either, even **you** hate you! God damn it!" As the singer started bashing his fists into the wall again, accentuating every hit with a yell, Jimmy felt it best to leave intact. Matt's words echoing in his mind, **_You can't have what you don't deserve. He's well out of your league anyway._** _What did Matt think he didn't deserve? And who's out of his league? What kind of 'league' anyway? Why does he think Val hates him and doesn't want him?_

Jimmy thought back to when Matt started acting this way and it seemed it spawned from a conversation with Val before the tour started, Matt was late meeting up with everyone so Zack phoned him. Zack had said Matt seemed rushed and he could hear Val yelling in the background. A good hour and a half late, Matt arrived and seemed annoyed, no.. upset? He was avoiding questions and was very distant, only answering with grunts or gestures. On tour, the slightest thing pissed him off, he spent most of his time in his bunk or on his own and the only time he acted as the man they knew was when on stage. Jimmy decided calling Val would help him get the slightest clue as to what was going through their best friends thick skull.

_Detective Sullivan is on the case._ Jimmy smiled devilishly at his own thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for the wait. I forget this site exists as I rarely get feedback. However, as i rarely get feedback that must mean that no one is thoroughly into this story so i'm not really keeping anyone waiting. I guess it's not a problem after all, and i must be talking to myself right now.... huh.
> 
> Well, to who ever may actually read this... I hope you liked this chapter, maybe spare me a comment? Or a kudos? Bookmark it? Let me know you exist? Or just read it, leave it and wait till the next one? 
> 
> Cool... Talk to you next time?


	6. Chapter 6

As Jimmy neared the bus, Matt's words were still on loop in his head. He concluded that it was too much to decipher using one tired head and decided three would be better. As soon the toe of his shoe was placed on the first narrow step, two sets of eyes focused on him.

"Yes, The Rev found Matt. No, The Rev did not talk to Matt.” Zacky's open mouth closed, Jimmy's statement had answered his initial question but raised another. This time, when his lips parted to question, he was met with an audible sigh from the drummer as he slumped into the couch next to Zack; he pressed his lips together figuring his friend already knew what would spill from his mouth.

"Didn't talk to him cuz he was throwing things about and punching the wall and yelling, swearing, screaming, you name it. He was, just... Being how Matt is right now. But then he started saying stuff, like, having a go at himself or some shit, I felt it better to leave in one piece."

"Well, w-what. What did he- what was he saying?” Johnny asked with a slightly confused and worried expression etched into his features.

Jimmy recalled what Matt said in his mind:  
 _"Fucking sort yourself out! You can't have what you don't deserve! Though he's well out of your league. Fuck! Why does everything have to be so difficult? First sign of a problem, you immediately jump to using your fists, asshole. Literally put your fist thorough it and fuck everything up more! You've screwed everything up Matt... Your friends hate you, they don't want to know you, your girlfriend hates you, she don't want a screw up like you either, even you hate you! God damn it!_

"Pretty much that he can't have what he doesn't deserve, something’s out of his... uhh.. his league? I think he said. Or **someone** is, i'm not sure. Uhmm... Said something about putting his fist through everything and fucking things up more. Then he said that we hate him and Val hates him and that none of us want to know him--"

"Well he got that one right, fucking asshole!” Johnny received glares from the others but Zack's soon softened to a frown.

"Johnny... seriously. Just, fucking... Shut up and go back to your sulking if you're not gonna be helpful. But, it sounds like that's where the problem could be, Val."

"But I’m still so pissed! He wrecked my... fuck, he wrecked **everything** of **everyone’s**!” The stares continued, Johnny looked between to two and sighed, "Fuck, fine man, so, you think Val has a clue why he's acting like this?"

Jimmy was thoughtful for a moment, "I'll bet.” He reminded his two band mates what happened the first day of tour. They were all in agreement that something must have happened when they heard a groan from the bunks followed by the other guitarist.

"What the fuck happened?” He mumbled semi-incoherently, a hand raised to his ribcage again. The other three were sympathetic, and as Johnny ‘kindly’ put it,

"You, look, like shit.” Tired eyes glared into the bassists,

"Do not."

"Uhh, ya do man. Ya really do.” Johnny insisted. Brian stood partially straight, just staring for a moment. You could almost see the cogs in his brain slowly whirring, attempting to conjure up some sort of come back,

"I know you are but what am i?" He shot back, not caring that it made no sense. To Johnny's raised eyebrow that clearly commented, 'seriously? WTF?’ Brian decided he'd won that and stuck his tongue out at the seated man. With a slightly smug grin tugging on his lips, he made his way to the little bathroom.

"OH MY GOD! I **DO** LOOK LIKE SHIT! What the hell..." Brian returned, "I'll ask again, what happened? This hurts so bad!" Brian winced, clutching onto the door-frame. "Fuck what happened, why does it all hurt? It wasn't like this yesterday! I think that Doctor is trying to kill me!" He managed through gritted teeth; he was now starting to take deep gasping breaths as he felt his lungs were restricting his breathing.

"Dude, calm down, don't panic. Come. Sit." Jimmy urged, "Your ribs are broken remember? And your face... well, nothing a little make-up can't hide." The drummer ushered the Brian to the couch and helped him cautiously shrink down into the soft cushion.

"Actually, you'll need a _lot_ of make-up to cover that shit! Your face is messed **up** bro!" Johnny received glares again with the addition of a cushion haphazardly lobbed from Brian's hand. The guitarist clearly hadn't thought about the consequences of lifting his arm, the cushion completely missed its target and the action left the thrower cursing and groaning in pain causing focus to leave Johnny's helpless antics and return to the injuries their friend had acquired over the past couple of days.

"I'll go get the meds the hospital gave him, i think they're still in the car." Zacky announced.

"Fucking great idea, asshole! Go hurry the fuck up and do that!"

"Or maybe i won't..." Zack trailed off, slowing to a halt just to hear his cocky friend beg.

"No no no! Please! I need them! Zacky, I love you! I'll do anything, I'll- I'll suck your dick! I promise! Just please please please please make the pain go away! Please Zacky, you know you're my favourite and you're a better guitarist than me and- and you're prettier too! Zacky, my love, plea- ahh fuck! Man seriously this really hurts, you wouldn't wanna leave a bro hangin' now wouldja..." The whining, desperate plea soon gave way and that cocky guitarist was back, but his right-sided smirk soon dissolved into a full-on Haner pout when Zacky still didn't move, "pweaaaaase..." Zack huffed,

"Fine! You know that look kills me!" Brian chuckled and grinned in triumph, his pain momentarily ignored now relief was in sight.

\--------

After Brian had taken his painkillers, he just sat there expectantly, every now and then complaining 'the doctors are pompous morons and the pills don't work, they're trying to kill me'. As his yawning became more frequent and the weight of a head on Zack's shoulder became more noticeable along with the whines subsiding, Zack prompted Brian to go back to bed,

"Goddamn, that's the best thing I’ve heard all day, scratch that, painkillers was the best thing. Actually no... that was the second best thing and bed is the third... yeah." The guitarist mumbled making his friends' eyebrows either furrow or raise in question.

"Might i ask what be the first then?" Jimmy cautiously questioned. Brian looked over his shoulder; Synyster Gates was back with that cocky smirk present for a brief moment before feigned innocence took place.

"Sucking Zack's dick, of course." He replied with a shrug as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Sending a glance toward Zack's widened eyes the troublesome smirk rose again as Brian disappeared into the bunk area. Johnny and Jimmy glanced at each other and then at Zack before erupting into laughter.

"Fuck off guys! I actually think he might be serious!"

"Can never be sure with Syn I guess, I’m gonna make sure he gets settled." Jimmy voiced before he too disappeared into the bunk area.

\------

As soon as Jimmy walked into the main area, Zack suggested they phone Val,

“Yeah, we need to get to the bottom of this, just like Syn's gonna get to the 'bottom' of Zack later when we Hotel.” Johnny piped up and sniggered, Zack just shot him evils and lazily flipped him off, “Jim, I think you’d be best to phone her, she always tells you what’s going on.”

“So did Matt and i'm not sharing with Brian after that comment.” Zack grimaced, picturing Brian trying to get it on with him... not something he was overly thrilled his imagination could envisage.

“Theres so much I could say leading on from young Seward's words _and_ Master Gates words, but, all joking aside. Zack, you got a point, and Val _IS_ more likely to open up to me, she'd never refuse to answer me, not now not ever.” Jimmy states with a proud smile as he patted each body part in search for his phone.

“It’s not gonna be tucked away with your dick or up your ass man…. Nor in your shoe….. Seriously Rev? I doubt Johnny’s got it either, dude… put him down! .... Its over there!” Zacky thrust his hand towards the kitchen counter where the little device was situated.

“Ah-ha! Found you!” Jimmy grasped the little object in a vice like grip, holding it in the air victoriously before he brought it in front of his face, punched in Val’s name and hit call, “Oooh! Oh my god! It’s alive! It rings—Oh heeeeey Val….. No, I’m absolutely fine, how are you?... Oh really, that’s great…. What did she do?... Hahaha, silly mutt, that dog is definitely Matt's. Oh, how’s Michelle doing, ya know, with Brian breaking up with her before tour… I know it was a while ago but you ladies don’t get over these things qui— Okay okay, haha I’m sorry, i won't be sexist. I know you think he’s a jerk but c’mon… she was spending all his money and she was quite a bitch to him, always flirting with other guys. We all know she cheated on him several times as well, don't even say she didn't.... She wasn’t very nice, you saw the scratches and bruises and shit…. Exactly! I'll be surprised if he ever wants to be with a chick again! ... No no, I honestly do... Gasp! No, my Brian is NOT a man whore! Oh, Valery!” As Jimmy rambled in a casual conversation with his long time friend, Zacky was growing impatient, he kicked Jimmy’s leg as the taller man walked by; pacing was normal for the drummer when he was on the phone. Jimmy raised an eyebrow at his friend before scrunching his face up and sitting down to rub at his ankle, Zack whispered ‘Ask her about Matt, idiot’ reminding Jim what he called for.

“Put it on loud speaker so we all hear, you’ll probably forget what she said.” The bassist noted. As Jimmy did so he started the conversation up again,

“Listen, Val. I kinda phoned for a reason…”

_“Oh and here’s me thinking you wanted to chat with your bestest girl friend!”_

“Haha I'm sorry. Don’t think Matt would like me referring to you as my girlfriend though.”

 _“Uhgh, Matt can go fuck himself.”_ Val answered sourly, the boys on the other end of the line all frowned,

“What happened?”

 _“Why don’t you ask that screwed up singer of yours. I don’t wanna talk about him.”_ Jimmy noticed she sounded slightly upset,

“I swear to Satan Valery, if he hurt you or upset you, you better tell Jimmy, I will rip his balls off and staple them to his big stupid… stupid head!” A soft giggle broke from Val’s lips and traveled through to Jimmy’s phone.

_“Seriously Jim, I love you and I would tell you but I really don’t think I should. Matt needs to tell you by himself. And as annoyed as I am with him I can’t… I guess the part that is still in love with the big oaf wants to protect him so promise me you wont hurt him, okay? I doubt this is easy on Matt, it’s a lot to deal with and accept, and before you say it, I know that won’t make sense but it will once he tells you. Just ignore his difficultness until he finds his balls and is a man for a few seconds—“_

“Val, what has he done, has he got you pregnant? Has he hurt you?—“ Val laughed again,

_“Jimmy, I know Matt can have a temper and be a bit irrational sometimes but he wouldn’t hurt anyone close to him, you know tha—“_

“He beat Brian up! Twice in two days!” Jimmy quickly interjected in disbelief, “ **TWICE!** We had to take Brian to hospital yesterday cuz Matt broke his ribs and the second time was just this morning. When we got back from the hospital yesterday we found Matt passed out under the TV he pulled over and smashed up, he destroyed absolutely everything on the bus, and I mean everything Val! There was so much blood… Listen, we’re seriously worried, that’s why I called you! We just wanna know what’s up with our best friend, Val, we wanna help, but he’s just pushing us all away. We don’t know what to do and Brian can’t take his punches forever….” There was complete silence from both ends before Val eventually let out a heavy sigh,

_“I don’t know what to say Jimmy… I really shouldn’t tell you. I can’t believe he’s hurting Brian of all people. He’s really not helping himself. I tell you what… I’ll talk to him, maybe he’ll listen me, and maybe if I speak to him it might get through his thick head that he needs to stop and think about what he’s doing, okay? I can’t promise it’ll do anything Jim-Jam but it’s worth a try, I don't really want to be talking to him but for Brian's sake I will. What time is it there?”_

“Thanks Val, it’s worth a shot i guess, we’re getting nowhere. And it’s almost…. Quarter past 5.”

_“Okay Jim, I’ll—“_

“Val, we’re good friends right?”

_“Uhh, of course.”_

“And you’d answer me straight if I had a serious and very important question.. right?”

_“Of course Jimmy.”_

“Well… Will you tell me why you and Matt aren’t together anymore, that is… assuming you’re not together…”

 _“Jimmy, please, do not put me in this position, it’s the same reason he’s acting like this and I can’t tell you, it’s not my secr-reason.” She sighed heavily, “It’s not my reason to tell, it’s Matt’s. Please Jimmy, it’ll work out, but promise me you’ll be supportive of Matt when he comes out— with his **reason** , I mean. Oh you know what I'm saying.” She covered up casually with a small laugh, “When his **reason** for acting like this, for... you know, behaving like this comes out in the open and all gets settled out.”_ She reiterated to be clear.

“Yeah, Val, I get ya….” Jimmy trailed off, not wanting to promise he’ll not do something he’d regret,

 _“And I promise you, Val, I will be supportive of my friend and I won’t fight him or do anything silly or too Rev-crazy…”_ She prompted with a smile on her face, she could just imagine the plots her lanky friend was creating already, Jimmy sighed and rolled his eyes though he knew he couldn’t win against this DiBendetto sister.

“And I promise you, Val, I will be supportive of my friend and I something something something… I uhh, I forgot the rest.”

_“I won’t fight him or do anything Rev-crazy.”_

“You won't fight him or do anything Val-crazy.”

 _“James Owen Sullivan, don't get smart with me.”_ A smile crept its way onto her face, Jimmy could hear it in her voice and couldn’t hold back a smile from tainting his features too.

“I won’t fight him or do anything ‘ _Rev_ -crazy’” He recited like a boy scout.

_“Good. Now I have to go stop my sister using one of Brian’s credit cards she found, but just remember you promised me that!”_

“Okay, thanks for the chat, See ya.” As Val said her last goodbye, the phone conversation ended and the three boys sat in silence thinking through what was said.

“I’m just even more confused now.” Johnny stated, eyebrows furrowed in a way Jimmy thought made him look cute, he reached an arm out to stroke his large fingertips down the front of the younger mans face in an anything-but-gentle manner, as he cocked his head to the side and voiced his agreement,

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeah” His hand dropped to Johnny lap when it ended its journey down his face, he finished his lengthened word at that time too. “Maybe he just needs to get laid.” Zack rose a perfectly arched eyebrow at the drummer,

“And you figure this how?” Jimmy removed his hand from the bassists lap and sat forward ready to explain his theories,

“Well! If his boxers and half-boners are anything to go by, we have good reason to believe he’s got one helluva horsecock.” Jimmy concluded.

“Got big feet too.” Johnny added seeing his friends logic. Zack, however, did not.

“… What?” He stared incredulously at his bandmates, “Wh… what!” Jimmy sighed and dragged one hand down his face and his other hand down Johnny’s face, stunning the smaller man for a moment, he raised an eyebrow at the bassist while pointing at Zack,

“Can you believe this guy?” Jimmy shook his head, “Well, dear Zacky, I’ll put it in simple terms for you. Big dick, big balls. Big balls, big ball-sac. Big ball-sac, lots of testosterone. Lots of testosterone, high sex-drive. High sex-drive, need, lots, of, sex. If Val and Matt aren’t together, Matt ain't getting any and probably hasn't been for a while. So… He needs to get laid.” Jimmy concluded with a shrug, he rubbed his hands together grinning ear to ear. As far as he was concerned he was a genius right now and Detective Sullivan really had solved this case. Zack just stared at his friend slightly concerned before blurting out the most prominent thought on his mind right now,

“Did you really just go into detail about Matt’s dick? Gross…. You were thinking about Matt’s dick, dude. Quite a lot, too.” Jimmy’s grin dropped to a frown.

“Lets just go to a bar after the show and try hooking Matt up, yeah?”

“Mmkay, I guess it kinda seems logical.”

“Exactly!” Jimmy exclaimed, leading them into a chorus of laughter.

“Oh wait!” Johnny interjected, “Brian’s not gonna want to go, he’ll probably be in too much pain…. Hell, how’s he even gonna play the damn show! It’s too late to cancel.” That quickly killed the laughter and light mood,

“I guess we’ll have to ask him…” Zack replies as the door swings open, banging harshly against the side of the bus, the boys quickly fall silent as they already know who it’ll be. Matt steps in, knuckles bandaged and aviators on so he can avoid everyone’s gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for my irregular updates and that short chapter a couple of posts back, this one's really really long, though that might be a bad thing (it's nearly 6 pages in size 11 font; thats the most i've ever written for a chapter! Over 3000 words!! WOW!) I apologise for the amount of dialogue if thats not something you like.
> 
> I actually forget this site exists because i rarely get notifications... So, if you wanna read this story then you should comment? To be completely honest, i thought i posted this chap on the 17th of July but apparently it was just a draft. *faceplam* but here it is, sorry for the long wait!
> 
> But seriously, i didn't plan it to be this long, i just kept getting new ideas so this chapter is actually split into two, i didn't intend on the part with Brian to have much dialogue, he was gonna take his pills and sleep. And the phone chat with Val was literally going to be, 'Val says she doesn't want to talk about Matt. Says that he's disgusting and she can't believe she was with him, that he lied to her and used her. She hangs up.'
> 
> But, yeah I hope i'm meeting at least the lowest of your expectations... Comment?


	7. Chapter 7

Matt hastily made his way into the bunk area sliding the door closed after him, that ever-present scowl still on his face as he hooked his aviators onto the neck of his sleeveless Metallica tee. Although he had calmed down considerably, he kept up the 'bad-boy' exterior because he knew the guys were… to put it nicely, extremely angry with him. However, as far as Matt was concerned, they couldn't see him being weak; that would be unforgivable.

His weary hazel glare softened as soon as he noticed a body curled up snuggly in the middle bunk, the lead guitarist was dead asleep. Matt wished he could say his friend looked peaceful and comfortable but it was impossible to ignore the deep purple bruises and raw wounds that littered Brian's once-flawless structure. The singer pursed his lips, he knew he was handling this all wrong, it was his fault and he was such a bad friend. He definitely didn't deserve such a perfect man, didn't deserve to even know such a perfect being.

Matt was pulled from his self-loathing thoughts when he heard a low whine rise from the other man's throat, he snapped his head up expecting to see Brian awake but instead found he had just shifted slightly in his sleep, his eyebrows had furrowed and a frown made itself present on his lips before they parted slowly. In a completely different situation the singer would have melted inside at such an adorable sight but right now Matt felt so guilty, he was the reason for all this. The bulkier man shot a cautious glance toward the sliding door finally paying closer attention and noting it had been fixed back into place since he had been gone.

Stilling himself for a moment and holding his breath for a better external silence, he listened intently to hear any movement in the main area. Upon only hearing quiet murmurs, he stepped closer to his friends’ bunk taking the time to truly admire the details of the others face. Before he realised, he had lifted a hand and begun tracing the contours of Brian's face with two fingers, as the sleeping man moved his head Matt drew his arm back willing himself to walk away. His resolve crumbled quickly as his hand raised again on its own accord, this time to brush shimmering black locks from Brian's face. Matt slowly leaned in, palm resting on a soft cheek as his cold lips hovered above the flesh of his bandmates' forehead, and he hesitated a moment, feeling heat radiate from the skin below.

Everything was quiet and still, yet inside the singers' head a great war was raging. As his heartbeat raced, time around him seemed far too slow. His inner-demons were getting nowhere, neither deciding to finish what he was going to do or step away, then it all stopped, all went quiet. His mind was void of all thoughts except for the ones concerning questions of how the guitarists lips would feel against his own. He didn’t know what to do and his mind was of no use, it was giving him no rational answers.

 _Not even my mind can help me._ Matt thought bitterly as he came to the conclusion he had to do something before someone walked in or Brian woke up. His eyes closed as his head distanced itself from his friends’, when they re-opened his gaze was clouded with guilt and desperation. He brought his lips to Brian's forehead again, this time meeting it with kiss so soft and gentle you'd never believe it came from a man of his size and demeanor. His lips lingered for several seconds, revelling in the simple action, he pulled back, pressed his lips to Brian’s desperately but received no response. He pulled back immediately, confused as to why he expected different, and confused as to why he did that, though he did adore the action. He had melted into the feel of his lips pressed against Brian's and as the the sleeping man was so unaware of it happening, it all seemed so forbidden, so secretive, so... intimate, like when you're the first to wake in the morning and you're beside the one you love, admiring the beauty of their peaceful sleeping form and pressing a gentle unknown kiss to their softly parted lips, so sweet and so tender. A hand rested on Brian's blanket-covered torso while he stared longingly at the slumbering man wishing everything was different. Wishing he could just man-up, accept what he felt and tell Brian. A sad guilt-ridden sigh escaped his lips, he shook his head as he gingerly wrapped the blanket more securely around his friend and slid the curtain over. If he couldn't see what he'd done, he didn't have to face it... Right?

As soon as he stepped towards his own bunk the door slid open to reveal the shorter guitarist presenting him with an angry glare, Matt's very own glare quickly returned to cover any emotions he had subconsciously dubbed as 'too-girly' or 'too-gay'. Zack stepped in more and slid the door closed, he remained situated with the same expression.

"What?" Matt snapped after a few too many seconds of an uneasy silence,

"'M just making sure you stay away from Brian." Zack's voice remained low and calm, Matt could feel his chest tightening as his rage returned. "You've only been in here a few of minutes but I don't wanna risk--"

"I don't need you checking up on me! Or telling me what I can and can't do!" Matt was in disbelief Zack would tell him what to do, hadn’t he seen enough evidence to know that was a bad move? How many more people would Matt have to hurt for them to understand he didn’t like be told what to do? What also shocked Matt slightly was that it had only been a few minutes since he walked into the bunk area, his mind began reeling over everything that had happened, it felt like he’d been arguing with himself for quite a while. He just wanted to be left alone with his self-hating thoughts right now but Zack spoke again,

"You've hurt Brian enough, he--" That was enough for Matt, he definitely didn't want to hear anymore,

"Don't you think I fucking know that!" His voice raised and his eyebrows furrowed. Zack scowled at the man he thought he knew and replied coldly,

"I don't want you going near him. You're not gonna touch him again, y'hear?" Matt's jaw clenched as he resisted the urge to swing his fist into Zack's face, a look of defiance crossed his features as he spun around and grasped the curtain hooked to Brian's bunk. Before Zack could question the others actions, Matt had already thrown the curtain open and placed his hand on the chest of the sleeping body, he raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"What ya gonna do now, bitch?" Zack sighed, even though Matt was still angry he was acting childishly, that was a small slither of the friend Zack once knew. His green eyes softened as he let his features relax, he diverted his gaze to the floor as he heard Matt huff and turned to his own bunk. When he next spoke his voice was quiet and pleading,

"If you know you've hurt him… hurt us all, then... why are you doing this? Why won't you speak to us? We're your best friends, man, we love you." Zack stared dead into the singers' eyes hoping to get through to him, Matt hastily looked away hoping to avoid the sincere look in the rhythmists eye, consequently his view returned to the man that was the cause of all these emotions. In the brief second or so that his eyes were cast in Brian's direction, the familiar feeling of guilt washed over him making him want to scoop his eyes out along with his heart, he was beginning to feel nauseous and he didn't like it.

 _I deserve to feel like this and so much worse, its all my fault. I don't deserve friends like these, it a damn good thing Brian's straight. He’s too good to be with a monster like me. I disgust myself. I hate to image what he thinks of me._ He reminded himself solemnly.

He forced himself to look elsewhere and remembered Zack was still waiting for an answer, his lower lip found its way between his teeth as he contemplated confiding in Zack.

"Man, seriously, we're here for you. You tell us, we'll sort it out." Upon receiving no reply, Zack decided to push further, "Matt! Show some fucking heart! I know you feel something, you're not a monster!" Matt laughed in his head, Zack didn't know just how backwards he got that sentence. "We uh... we spoke to Val." Matt's heart began beating out of his chest when his mind processed Zack's mumbled words, resorting to the way he knew worked, he covered his fear in anger. Matt paced the few short steps until the guitarist had backed himself against the door and their chests were flush against each others, a large strong hand was placed on each side of the shorter mans head. Matt let out a long and low deep growl as he lowed his head until he was eye to eye with the guitarist, he stared menacingly into the green orbs of his friend, he rolled his hips forward subtly so he was pinning Zack to the door and was slightly disappointed when he felt nothing, unlike earlier with Brian. Matt began panicking on the inside, he had to get over this, he couldn't have Brian but he wanted no other. Matt was sure there was no possible way that the only male he felt attracted to was the puppy-dog-eyed guitarist known to the world as Synyster Gates, the guy that loves all chicks and boobies. 

He decided to walk away instead of facing up to any of this, he couldn't do it, Zack would hate him, think he's a freak. There were so many possible scenario's Matt had thought of but they all ended with a similar outcome; his friends all hating and rejecting him. Matt's broad chest rumbled with another low growl that Zack could feel vibrate through his own body. The taller man stared the guitarist down for a moment before forcing a breath out heavily through his nose and pushing himself off the door and away from the conversation. As he headed towards the back lounge area of the bus to play COD he remembered his Xbox was broken, he spun back around and forced Zack against the door again, he was now more pissed off than before. His rage had sky-rocketed from 0-60 faster than any fancy, expensive car could accelerate.

"My Xbox is broken, and _you_ , are gonna tell me **exactly** , who, broke it." Matt spat the words through gritted teeth, the only response was a sharp laugh from Zack's lips, "If you don't tell me, it'll be you I hurt not them so you better fucking spill!" The singer threatened as he pushed his forearm into Zack's throat, he was in no mood for games.

" **You** broke it, asshole!" Zack forced out only to be brought forward and slammed back into the door with the larger man's full weight pinning him down, Matt's arm restricted his breathing making him gasp out for precious air and claw and his friends' flesh. Raised bleeding welts irritated Matt's skin but if it bothered him Zack couldn't tell, Zack wasn't sure Matt had even noticed, he hadn't even winced. Hard hazel eyes stared into the guitarist with such a burning fury that made Zack beyond the piss-your-pants kinda scared, he wasn’t sure he'd even be able to manage such a response right now.

"Do NOT play games with me! I **will** hurt you, but unlike with Brian, I will NOT hold back! **NOW TELL ME**!"

"Y-you g-" Zack could feel his body attempting to shut down but the fear and panic racing through his mind inhibited such a thing, plump fingers that spelled '4-N-I-A' weakly clutched at the wrist pressed tightly to the side of his neck, "p-please..." his voice was hoarse as he wheezed and gasped, his eyes began to blur. Was this really his childhood friend in front of him, when did Matt Sanders turn into such angry, cold-blooded monster? Zack's body trembled as he felt the next sparse clump of air scrape down his throat, "...Matt!"

They both knew Zack was begging now, that he'd pass out in mere seconds. Matt pressed his arm further into his friends' windpipe, eyebrows furrowed deep, teeth clenched too tight, eyes glazed and distant, he wasn't sure exactly what he was doing, couldn't quite comprehend his actions, couldn't… feel, couldn’t think. As the plump fingers loosened considerably around his wrist and slipped off, Matthew Sanders’ body and mind caught up with its outer shell. He jolted his arms away from the neck in front of him before both hands flew to Zack's sides to hold him steady, his eyes had softened slightly but not enough for Zack to see he was no longer angry.

Matt couldn't believe he had turned into this.

Zack was primarily focused on catching his breath and remaining standing, all thoughts of what Matt was doing and what he had done were gone as he reminded himself to breathe, well… gasp, reminded himself to _gasp_ steadily. One hand clutched onto the body in front of him for support, in addition to his breathing, his legs were threatening to fail him. The other gently held his stinging, throbbing neck as if a gentler touch would convince it to stop hurting. Zack felt sick and light headed as he fell to his knees, glancing up he realised the solid structure he'd been relying on had distanced itself, he wasn't sure if that was because it had moved away or he was slowly losing consciousness so he returned his focus to frantically inhaling and exhaling as he clasped at his chest.

Meanwhile, Matt stood from afar watching his friend fight to stay conscious and breathing. His previous anger had returned but now with a mix of shock and guilt, it had returned directed elsewhere; at himself. He couldn't stay around and continue hurting the ones he loved. He knew that, but he also couldn't let his guard down, couldn't let them find out. His head was swimming with thoughts again, the self-loathing voices were back telling him he needed to punish himself among other things. Matt felt his legs move, carrying him in front of Zack but stepping over him as his arms raised to wrench the door open.

For the first time he noticed the raw scratches littered over his inked skin, they looked angrier than he ever could and it scared him. This was proof of what happened, of what he had done, he could try running away from it all but here was the evidence screaming out and reminding him over and over. Taunting him and provoking him. Every time the pain pulsated from the wounds it whispered ‘monster’, ‘beast’, and other malicious names to remind him of the creature he’d become. He slowly lifted his gaze to meet frightened brown and confused blue orbs, he couldn't face up to this, not yet.

He just ran.

Briefly noting the yells of his name, he kept running till tears and body alike threatened to fall. He ran till he didn't know where he was and his heart jack-hammered against his chest, wanting to tear out of him and run back to Brian where it belonged and longed to stay forever.

_Not even my heart wants to be with something like me, I’ve got nothing._

His large frame threw him into the curb of the side walk of its own accord, body and mind forcing him to give up as his veins and nerves thrummed with adrenaline and exhaustion. Matt hurled the contents of his stomach into the gutter and by the time he was dry heaving he felt like Jimmy was using his head as a bass drum, something he decided he might suggest later; he felt like he deserved that and it could be a small part of his punishment.

Matt heaved oxygen into his lungs and himself off the cold, damp concrete, migrating into the nearest café and heading straight to the restroom. He dared not look in the mirror as he cleaned himself up and rinsed his mouth out. He was disgusted with himself, he also didn't want to pay to replace the glass; he was pretty sure he'd smash it because it was as close as he'd get to punching himself in the face. He took a few moments to breathe and let his body return to its usual hype as he came to the conclusion he couldn't return to the bus, he would need to find something to occupy his time before the show. He had his wallet and needed a new Xbox, there had to be a place that sold game systems somewhere, maybe buy a few undeserved games he’d had his eye on.

To prepare himself for walking out like nothing was happening he reminded himself who's fault he wanted it to be, that was of course anyone but himself. Anyone like Brian. As far as Matt was concerned, Brian was the route to every problem he ever had, and yet, he was also the solution, but that wasn't a key factor he felt like lingering on right now.

_If Brian wasn't so damn straight, maybe I could be with him. If Brian wasn't so damn oblivious, maybe he would have figured out I like him. If Brian wasn't so damn difficult to talk to, maybe I could tell him how I feel. If Brian wasn't so damn gorgeous, maybe I wouldn't feel this way._

Maybe, maybe, maybe.... The maybe's went on and on. But it was all Matt could put it down to, though he knew he’d somehow still feel like this. However, there was one thing he knew for sure. If he had gone about this all a completely different way, he could've had a chance with Brian, now... there wasn't even a chance at friendship, he was positive of that. But this wasn’t his fault, no, of course not. It was Zack’s for trying to blame him for breaking the Xbox. And it was Brian’s, definitely Brian’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a niiiiice looooong chapter and you didn't have to wait long either. :D You're most welcome.
> 
> So a look from Matt's point of view, does it change your opinion of him in the slightest?
> 
> Thank you to everyone who reads this story and an even greater thanks to everyone who comments! I really really appreciate it and your kind words encourage me to keep writing this story, I definitely look forward to getting a notification saying someone's commented. Any who, you know the drill, you've read it... now comment? What you like, didn't like, what you think will happen, should happen, shouldn't happen, what you think is going on with Matt, what's in his head, why's he acting like this? Seriously, tell me!
> 
> You want to read more... let me know.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been a good few hours since anyone had seen Matt and there were feelings of helpless all round. No one knew where he was or why he was being like this. The boys tried calling Val again but after the first few times of answering with the same thing, she stopped answering then turned her phone off altogether. They were aware it was nearing show time and as much as they didn't want to cancel on the fans, they really didn't want to face Matt right now, they hoped he came back as much as they didn't. The unanimous decision was they needed to help him at all costs, but not let anyone get hurt; Matt included.

A nasty bruise had quickly formed around Zack's neck, a constant reminder of how useless he felt as a friend and although Jimmy and Johnny didn't have anything to show on the outside, the hurt on the inside made them like they weren't fulfilling their roles as Matt's friend's either. Since the singer left after choking Zack, the boys had been talking about exactly what Matt had said and every action he had taken. Every, single, little, thing. They needed to get inside his head, find out what brought him so close to the edge. Find out what he's hiding and why he won't let them in. Of course, this is all much easier said than done.

This in-depth talk brought them to an hour before the show, there was still no sign of Matt and Brian had stayed asleep, for the most part - they heard him get up grumbling about peeing being ' _an unnecessary and down right annoying human need_ ', he followed that up with something they half heard along the lines of ' _I'd rip my fucking dick off if it meant I didn't have to wake up to piss, but that'd just hurt and I'm hurting enough, and..._ '. On the way back to his bunk, Brian had been grumbling about it still, something about ' _why can't grown men wear diapers and piss their pants, it works for babies, maybe I wanna be a baby._ ' to which Jimmy yelled that Brian wouldn't want his dad changing his diaper at his age, Brian simply flipped the taller man off with an un-amused, tired glare and hauled himself back into bed.

"Think we should wake Brian up?" Johnny inquired, jutting his thumb in the direction of the bunks. "Find out if he's feeling okay enough for the show." Jimmy beamed over at the bassist,

"Good call, short shit! That's a really good idea." He leaned over and tousled the shorter mans hair rather affectionately. "And ya know, it's _such_ a great idea that its got Zack creaming all in his pants in anticipation to do _exactly_ that!" Zack rolled his eyes and shuffled to the bunks, knowing full well that Jimmy didn't want to risk waking a moody Synyster Gates. He slowly pulled the curtain back to reveal Brian's face smushed into the pillow and the blankets wrapped around his body much like a snake ready to eat him whole. Zack chuckled softly at the idea and shook his fellow guitarists' shoulder.

"Yo Haner, wake your ass up! Helloooo? Wakey wakey!" A soft grumble in response, Zack's smile grew as he lifted a hand and harshly slapped Brian's cheek. By the time Brian had emitted a short scream and sat up panting whilst clutching at his chest, Zack was almost on the floor shaking with laughter.

"Dick! It's not fucking funny!" He crossed his arms tightly across his chest and the Haner-pout returned in all its glory, "You **scared** me! I was having the best dream and you fucking, woke me. You, dick...... Are you done yet? It seriously isn't **that** funny."

"Sorry, sorry, ha ha. Gimme a sec..." Zack clambered up and took a few steady breaths as his laughter died down before casually continuing like if nothing happened, "So... Shows in about an hour, you feeling up for it?" Brian groaned and slumped back into his mattress, a large breath escaped his lips with the intent of moving his hair from his eyes as he peered over at the chubbier man,

"Yeah, those meds have finally kicked in, besides, we can't let these kids down. I'll try doing as much of the show as I can."

"Right now, you're my top concern, man. If you can't play the show, then you can't play the show. No biggie, we'll just come back round and do another when you _are_ up to it." Brian nodded and swung his legs over the side of his bunk, as he slid down he noticed the sore purple tint marring Zack's neck. Gingerly, he reached a hand up to brush against the marks, almost as if checking to see if it would rub off.

"Dude, what the fuck happened?" The shorter guitarist stepped out arms reach and answered simply with a sigh,

"Matt happened. Which reminds me, after a long conversation with the other two, we've figure- well, **Jimmy** suggested Matt just needs to get laid and-"

"Oh wow. How'd he come to that conclusion?"

"No idea, but he really fucking thought about it. Went into the logistics of the size of Matt's balls or whatever. Scary stuff, not really something I wanted to think about it either." Brian laughed heartily, Zack couldn't resist a few sincere chuckles himself,

"You gonna explain that to me?" Zack clicked his tongue and looked at the fellow six-stringed shredder in mock horror as he was searching for some clean(ish) clothes,

"Hell no! I ain't reliving that shit! Once was bad enough... Man, ask Jim, 'm sure he'd love to tell you. But anyway, we decided to go to a bar after the show and try hooking Matt up, I said I’d ask if you were feeling up for that." The green-eyed guitarist regarded the other with a raise of one perfectly arched eyebrow as Brian pulled on dark washed jeans.

"Ahhh, as much as I wanna say yes, my body screams no. Damn, I’m sure I’ll regret that choice but I’ll probably just want to sleep, that sounds pretty good right now. It's worth a shot though, trying to hook Matt up, I mean. Goddamn... help me?" Brian gestured to his half lifted t-shirt and the cleaner one in his hand, "It hurts to lift my arms up. Hell, it all hurts!" He continued to whine, Zack just rolled his eyes and moved to help his friend. As plump fingers curled around the hem of Brian's top and began lifting, weary chocolate eyes snapped to a sea of green in a harsh glare, "Slowly though, none of that mean shit you pulled at the hospital, yeah?" Zack smiled genuinely and nodded.

After Brian was dressed he begged Zack to help spike his hair and after 20 minutes of refusal the Haner pout broke him. Once both were satisfied with their appearances and Brian had taken some more meds, the four made their way to the venue with hopes of Matt already being there.

"Lets hope this improves his mood." Johnny sounded, receiving agreeing murmurs from the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a little while I know, moved house, putting in a new kitchen and started doing carpentry at college, been so very busy.  
> However, here it is, quite short too, but I distinctly remember finding this one hard to write. Next update will be in roughly a week, depending on my feedback.
> 
> I have three more pre-written chapters and one in the works, so I really need to get writing so I stay ahead...
> 
> So, do you think they'll manage to match Matt up with anyone? Or will something go wrong? Think the show will go good? Will Brian even survive a whole show? WEll... I know... and if you comment then you'll know too, in a few days.  
> Comment if you'd like, I'd love it if you did but at least you've read it I guess.
> 
> To everyone who has commented on previous chapters or even been a silent reader, thank you for taking the time. (Now to contradict myself), To my silent readers, care to tell me what you think? I do love hearing from you all.
> 
> Also, you should go to this site and vote for Avenged cuz they're second and that just won' t do! Go! --> http://loudwire.com/most-desired-2013-album-readers-poll/ (sorry not sure how to link)


	9. Chapter 9

The show was a little sloppy, admittably not their best but fairly good considering, it wasn't so bad the fans would notice but everyone who played or watched the same set every night could definitely tell something was off. Matt was his normal self all through the show, all smiles, grins and popping dimples. Using up the large stage space, slinging arms around shoulders, talking up the crowd and just getting everyone pumped. The other four almost forgot all the off-stage drama, well, they did until Brian pushed himself a little too far and cut his solo off midway to clutch at his ribs and take a few sips of water (and some pain meds discretely). Matt seemed shocked as he questioned the guitarist, Brian just shrugged it off and continued more cautiously. Everyone left pretty satisfied.

As they leave the stage, Jimmy catches up to Matt, "Great show tonight man, your voice was so good!" The bulkier man just beams up at his childhood friend,

"I know, dude, the show was amazing, these kids were so amped! Trust Gates to want a little more of the spotlight though, god knows what was up with him tonight huh. Fucking diva!" Matt let out a heartily laugh, casually playing off the comment.

"Ah, yeahhh, listen Shads, we were all thinking of going to a bar tonight. Ya know, get some drinks, get some boobies! Totally your thing, yeah? Just like the old days, it'll be loads of fun!" Jimmy enthuses, clapping a hand on Matt's shoulder. He completely missed Matt's distasteful expression at the mention of 'boobies'.

"Uhm, yeah, sure. Why not, man. I guess I can come along for some drinks at least." Jimmy simply beamed over at the singer as they walked towards the dressing room, "Is... Is Gates coming?"

"Umm... No, he's just going back to the bus."

" _tsk_ fucking pussy!" It was silent for a moment or two, one Matt considered comfortable and Jimmy considered anything but, before the taller man spoke a statement he really didn't want to.

"We uh... We talked to Val. About... _you_." Matt harshly glared at his long time friend, his post-show state of euphoria quickly disintegrating into a defensive anger, as Matt rounded in on the drummer and grabbed his shirt, Jimmy panicked for a moment but began explaining himself before his capturer could speak, "About _this_ exactly Matt! You're showing me and showing **yourself** that the conversation with Val _had_ to happen. We're your best friends god damn it! Treat us like that instead of getting angry and lashing out! We care about you Matt, but we'll only care for so long, you keep this up and you'll have no one!"

Matt released the other and stared at the floor, mouth opening and closing in an un-worded apology. He couldn't meet Jimmy's gaze, this was all too much for him, he wasn't ready to tell yet. But he had to, right? If he didn't now he wouldn't ever, the words 'I think I'm gay' played on his tongue but as he opened his mouth with enough balls to say it, Jimmy began speaking. Matt immediately swallowed the words down, mentally kicking himself for being so stupid, if he uttered those words Jimmy he and everyone else he knew would disown him on the spot.

"Look, Matt. We're worried... We want the old Matt back and we're all willing to do absolutely **anything** to get that. Whatever's going on in that head of yours needs to be sorted, I'm not gonna pry but if you want to let it out, I'm here and my ears are yours, well maybe not literally... I kinda need those, being a musician 'n all. Now, Val. She won't tell us anything, said something about, 'only you can tell us when you're ready' but we don't have time to wait until you're ready. So either you spill and I'll help you, or I help you and you tell me when you're ready, either way, I **will** find out. We love you, man, we just wanna help. We don't care what the reason is, seriously, you could've done anything and we wouldn't care, we've got your back no matter what. Even tough guys like you need a hand every now and then and that's what we're here for. The other day, when we had to take Syn to the hospital, we came back and found the whole bus messed up. Pretty much everything was destroyed and there was so much blood, you were passed out under the fucking smashed up TV. And Matt, hate to break it to ya but... you really **did** break your own XBox." Rev sent a worried yet cautious glance at his friend, noticing the guilt and desperation in his eyes, Matt sighed heavily and ran a hand through his overgrown tufts of hair. "We can't keep taking this shit man, we love you but... There's only so much we can handle."

"Jim, man, I... fuck... I don't even know what to do! I can't tell you, or anyone. I just can't! I feel bad for what I've done to Brian - I didn't even know you had to take him to hospital. That's how shitty a friend I truly am! And for what I did to Zack too- fuck, that was clearly for no reason, I know that now, it should never have happened. I hate what I've put you _all_ through but I can't take any of it back. They all hate me, I know you do too Jim, I'm sure you wanna knock me through a wall or something and, god.. I deserve that. I want to make it up to you all, I really do. I just... I don't know where to start." Matt looked into sincere blue eyes. Jimmy was silent, not aiding the singers panicked state. Matt felt truly lost, he knew he'd screwed up and didn't think the man next to him would help; Jimmy was his last hope. After giving Matt the most scrutinising look he could muster, Jimmy sighed deeply, looked at his feet and then back to the fidgety singer, he opened his mouth to speak but Matt beat him too it, "Please man, my head is a mess! I can't think straight because I'm **not**! I just... I don't know what to do, Jimmy! I will actually fucking admit that I'm scared.... I shouldn't be thinking like this, it's changed me! I'm not the same guy Jim!"

Jimmy glanced warily at his friend, thoroughly confused now, and he had completely missed the meaning behind some of Matt's more crucial words, "Matt... What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean?" Upon receiving silence he pushed a little further, the concern he felt for the singer before was nothing compared to its intensity now, "Matt, what do you mean it's changed you, that you're not the same guy? Matt, man, you can't _think_ straight because-."

Matt, having picked up on his slip up and thinking Jimmy did too, quickly stuttered out, "That's not what I meant! I'm not... **_that_** way!" Matt was now mentally screaming at himself to shut the fuck up, he was just making everything worse for himself.

"Whoa, dude, I never said you were. I was gonna say you cant think straight becuase you're trying to deal with all the stuff going on yourself, its not healthy. Besides, I wouldn't care if you were that way inclined," Matt's head shot up and Jimmy further explained himself, thinking Matt was getting pissed again, "Matt I don't think you're gay, I mean, you've not given any of us any reason to think that - not that it would matter if you were, I'm just saying..." Jimmy chose his words carefully, "I have no problem with gays, now... How about that drink? This has been a really weird conversation." That ever prominent grin spread across the drummers face, "Talking about gays, lets go see if we can get Johnny or Zacky drunk enough to make out with each other, that'll be funny! And then we gotta find us lots of boobies!" And Jimmy was already dragging Matt out the venue before he could protest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a long wait at all... the wonders of having pre-written chapters!   
> Special thank you to the one reader who commented on the last chapter, much appreciated!  
> And thank you to everyone who reads this story! How ever many of you there may or may not be.  
> I hope you all still like this story, believe me, its gonna kick off soon!
> 
> Can I get a whole load of comments before the next chapter is posted? It'd mean so much to me! The quicker I get lots of comments, the quicker you get more to read so I know if I don't get many comments then clearly its not worth posting the story on here as not many people like it... right? No? Well, prove me wrong?!
> 
> Bye for now!


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey guys.... Uhm, I'm sorry." The members of band and crew that were situated around several pushed together tables stopped what they were doing and stared at the fidgeting singer. Silence encased the group of friends, all of them thinking similar things, well... except for JB Dizz who decided Matt couldn't possibly have said that so he must be drunker than he thought leading him to conclude he needed more beer if he was still thinking this rationally.

Matt's eyes scanned over the mass of bodies, he knew this would be awkward as fuck but he also knew it had to happen. His eyes fell upon Zack who seemed to be scrutinising him with the upmost intricacy, as their gazes caught, Zack's gaze shifted to the lanky drummer who was still standing by Matt, the guitarist seemed to stare into Jimmy as the two begun a silent conversation of raised eyebrows, shoulders and hands mixed with a few indistinguishable noises and grunts.

Although the bar they were in was alive with partially drunk bodies, rowdy chatter and lively music, the night had ground down to halt for the young men of the Avenged Sevenfold party. Matt wanted to say 'fuck this' and walk the hell outta there but he had promised Jimmy and leaving now would mean he'd never get out of the dog house. If he broke his promise now, Jimmy would dig him a hole, throw him in and leave the shovel juuuuust out of reach... why, well, because he could of course.

Matt figured he needed to grow half a pair and cleared his drying throat, readying himself to speak again, " I'm... uh, I'm sorry guys." All eyes returned to him, mostly glazed with intoxication and a hint of surprise or curiosity. In Zack's case it was just pure anger.

"And what **exactly** could the mighty M. Shadows _possibly_ be sorry for, huh..." Zack sneered as his intense green-eyed glare scorched into the larger man's hazel eyes, Matt looked away feeling a little silly and if he was honest, a little intimidated. His earlier tough-man persona was rapidly diminishing and the small boy that had been hidden away began to present himself.

What Zack had said was a statement, an attempt of drawing out Matt's usual anger, to illicit a response to prove he wasn't sorry at all. Matt knew that, knew it very well; the fact that his friend was refusing to call him by his given name proved how pissed he was, it enunciated just how much he hated Matt right now. While apologising was a milestone in itself, it would never be enough for Zack. So the large man sucked his pride and his ego up as far up his backside as was possible and swallowed nervously, as his vision flicked between those present he knew he'd have to share more than he wanted to.

"I... uhm. I'm sorry for everything I’ve done wrong recently, everything I’m doing even. I've been, a dick- no worse than that. Yeah, far worse. I just, y'see... In, in my mind..." Matt pointed to his head as he looked at his friends with wide eyes, he realised he was rambling, he sighed heavily as he met Zack's impatient stare, his arm slowly lowered in unison with his gaze. He swallowed again, fiddling with his fingers he took a few shallow breaths to compose himself, "Val and I broke up. She... She said she couldn't be with me anymore." Technically he figured he wasn't lying, he was just wording it all in a very clever, and sneakily genius way, changing the order of things and missing stuff out but it all happened so it's all true. And although everyone knew he and Val were no longer an item, he hadn't mentioned it once. "I guess, I just took it real fucking bad and as you guys are the one's I'm with all the time... I, kinda... well, you've all seen Brian. I honest to god feel so damn guilty, I didn't realise what I was doing. I've been so damn stressed and I kept it all inside 'til it got this bad. I _know_ this isn't gonna mean much but I really _really_ am so fucking sorry. You've finally got through to me and I want everything to go back to how it was before... minus Val... I, I think I’ve, **finally** come to terms with that, y'know, we're still friends I guess so it's cool, it's not too bad really, I just, y'know. We were together for so long, I never imagined I _wouldnt_ be with her. And... I know it's not gonna be easy or quick but I want you all to know I’m really gonna fucking try. I love you guys; you're all family to me. I don't wanna loose any of you. I don't expect any of you to forgive me straight away but at _least_ let me try..."

Matt had to trail off because he couldn't think of anything else to say and he didn't want to start repeating, he at least wanted to keep an ounce of his pride and not look and sound like a complete pussy or absolute fool. He also felt himself tearing up and crying in front of the guys was something he would never **ever** let happen in this situation. Although no one looked excessively taken to his speech, their gazes had noticeably softened, they all knew Matt truly loved Val but at the end of the day, hearing the mighty M. Shadows apologise was a rarity so they'd lap it up as much as was possible. Matt frowned and wondered what he could do to get them on his side, "... Why don't I start making it up to you all now, huh? What if I said... Drinks are on me... **all** fucking night!"

A large grin cracked across his face when his offer was met with a roar of cheers, Dan quickly wailed over to the bar tender to bring them a few rounds on tab. As Matt slid onto the worn out cushions of the booth they occupied he prepared himself for the inevitable words of wisdom and advice his mates could conjure. He grimaced slightly, hoping no one pried to deeply when a hand smacking his shoulder brought him to reality. Looking over, he saw JB Dizz smiling warmly at him, his twin mirroring the expression as the first wise words of the night poured from his mouth,

"Forget your girl, man. You're single now, y'can pick up any chick you want, fuck em and ditch em with absolutely no regrets." Jason chuckled and followed on with some much wiser words,

"I hate to say that half-wit is right but... it's true man, you've got no commitments. But, you do know you could have come to any of us and we would have helped out dude. Here, drink up." Jason pushed one of the full beer bottles towards the singer, they knocked bottles and devoured a generous mouthful each, "Last thing I’m saying about it is; I’m glad we're getting the old M. back."

\------

As the night progressed, Matt saw everyone knocking back copious amounts of alcohol... except him as far as he was concerned. He hadn't managed to shut his mind off enough to contemplate enjoying the evening, despite that he decided it had been a great night so far, something Matt put down to the lack of a certain spiky-haired, nimble-fingered wonder. The bulky male would have gotten so mad at himself if he saw the immense damage he had inflicted on the other man and the bucket full off alcohol in his system would have intensified his rage... in short, Matt agreed it definitely wouldn't have been a good result and would most likely have landed him back at square one. Just because the lean guitarist wasn’t there, however, did not mean that he wasn't on Matt's mind. The truth was far from that assumption.

While the others had been having fun drinking, dancing, grinding, and probably tonguing with random girls, Matt had sat back and attempted to relax but found himself plagued with conflicted thoughts. He noticed Johnny and Jimmy stumbling in his direction, another ditzy blonde in tow. It hadn't escaped his attention that throughout the duration of the night, each man had been presenting him with chick after chick and he couldn't help but think they were trying to hook him up with a girl.

He scoffed, _don't they know that's the fucking problem, I don't want a whinny, bleached bitch!_

However, as he thought more about that he registered that, _no... They really don't_. He chuckled lazily to himself once that thought set in and noticed he was being spoken to, Jimmy he vaguely recalled. The already lisp-y voice this tall dark blob owned was slurred almost beyond recognition and Matt had to focus hard to bite back a laugh… Okay, maybe he was drunker than he thought. He peered in front of himself to see the table littered with empty bottles, all close to himself, he was sure the majority of them had been full not three seconds ago. It appeared, as his thoughts were scattered and trapped in the confines of his skull, he had been chugging bottle after bottle.

Slowly glancing up to see three blurs, the muscle lavished singer squinted to focus – which actually only managed to obscure his faulted vision further. A lazy dimple filled smile warmed his external appearance as he heard the innocent slurred tones of one Jonathan Seward,

“I don’ think ‘e heard ya, Jim. He’s fuckin’ wase’ed.” Bellowing laughter erupted through Matt’s ears and tore through his eardrums, a slight grimace quickly devoured his previous smile and he came to realise he felt quite disorientated and sick.

“Ah ssay it again, man. We foun’ thisss chick for ya.” Jimmy winked over at the petite blonde and even in his currently inebriated state Matt could see small similarities between said ‘chick’ and Val; petite, blonde, hazel-eyed, soft-features to name a few, but to see them you'd have to pay close attention and know Val's appearance all too well. They just didn’t get that he wasn’t into that anymore. “She perfect for ya! Eh?”

Matt kicked the single brain cell of coherent sense he had up the ass to ensure he didn’t get stuck with this chick all night,

“Waddaya say Mattie?”

His glance wavered in the direction of the ‘chick’ to see everything that wasn't akin to his former lover. Heavy orange make-up slapped against over-moisturised flesh. Frail almost-see-through fabric stretched to the limit across ample false bosoms. Tarty leopard print skirt hitched so high it could pass as a belt – he hoped she had panties on but he dared not investigate further. Dirty brown, patchy skin marred as a result of an uneven fake tan. Small pale, un-tanned feet balancing precariously on way-too-high high heels.

In simple terms she was a young, fake, plastic, bimbo. A single word flashed across his mind, disgusting. But of course, she took his analysing stare as want and stuck her chest out further, boobs practically popping out of the skimpy material. He was just waiting for the seams to split and let her silicone-injected flesh pour out for all the men to oogle at and get boners over, _she’d probably love it too, fucking slut._

“’M not interested, sorry.” He turned around to face the table grabbing at another beer, he heard her snort of disgust and bit back a laugh; he could do that forever and enjoy the hell out of it. Girls never took rejection well and as he began to wonder how a certain male friend of his might take the same thing he had to laugh because... Well, who in their right mind would **want** to reject said friend.

“Hey, helloooooo.” Matt’s head snapped up causing dizziness and a pulsating pressure to swirl around in his brain space. His world slowly focused on a misshaped blob which he decided must have been Jimmy and Johnny, the imbalance of the men’s’ heights caused him to laugh abruptly and as he settled down again he raised what he thought was one eye brow, which actually just raised both and gave him a humorous and unintended look of surprise. “We’re tryna get you laid man! Ev’ry fuckin’ girl we found, ya turn away. What’re you gay or sumfin’? A fuck’in queer!” It took him several whole seconds to realise what the shorter fuzzy mess was saying as he began to yell out his new proclamation to the whole fucking **bar**. "Hey everyone, M. fuggin Sha'ows is a queer, he likes takin' it up th'ass!"

Fury raged through Matt's alcohol stream, the thinned blood boiling, he launched himself out of his seat and pounced at the Johnny-like blob. What happened between that and Johnny whinging on the floor was a disorderly blur but he didn't care, as long as that midget fucker was in pain. Matt was huffing heavily through his nose, shoulders and chest heaving with the sheer force of his oxygen intake. His frame was hunched forwards, fists painfully clenched, jaw tightly locked and a deep glare set itself in Johnny's direction.

"Ow." One quiet muttered word fell from the bassists’ lips as he just blinked numbly at a patch of floor. Johnny was shocked to say the least, his drunken state prevented him from fully understanding the recent events, forcing him to be completely at loss when trying to figure out what he did to end up flat on his ass with an intense throb tingling his jawbone. He slowly raised his eyes to meet those belonging to the fist that caused his pain.

"Call me that again, mother fucker, I will knock. You. _Out!_ And what the fuck d'ya mean, 'tryna get me laid', man, I don't need your help, you can have these skanky whores, asshole!" Matt viciously sneered at Johnny who was whimpering as Jimmy dragged him up, the pair nearly stumbling over each other and crumbling in a heap on the unpolished wood flooring.

"O-okay, maybe y'not gay man. M'sorry." The singer huffed one final time before spinning on his heel and striding over to the front doors of the bar, leaving his friends even more confused, hurt, angry and betrayed than they had been before the night started. He didn't care, fuck em, he didn't do anything wrong this time... Or at least, that’s what he kept telling himself.

As he stumbled his way back to the bus he loudly declared to the mostly sleeping city that he was thankful for Zack being such a lazy fuck and insisting they go to the nearest bar, why? Well... we honestly don't know so lets just say, cuz he's abso-fricken-lutely wasted. The much-loved and much-hated vocalist thumped into the bus door and considered just passing out right there, but the promise of a dark cozy bunk made him search for his key, patting down every pocket he realised it wasn't there.

"FUCK! SHIT! AND BOLLOCKS! Fucking fuck! My fucking **key** don't even wanna be aroun' me! Fucking cock-sucking bastards! When I see 'em I’m gonna cut their fuckin' balls off an... an staple 'em to their nipples so those man bitches have fuckin' bitch ti-" The bus door abruptly swung open and as Matt swung around to witness such a miracle happen, he instantly saw the most beautiful thing he'd even seen.

Glancing from the tanned muscular legs up to the prominent plentiful package clad in short, tight black cotton. From the thin, tightly defined stomach to the toned chiseled chest. From the visible collarbone to the messy fuzz of man fur dusted under the otherwise smooth chin. From the perfectly sculpted jawbone to the soft pink lips leading to a rounded button nose. And finally, to those adorable deep mocha eyes that were showing exhaustion, despair, disappointment, fear, defeat, pain and a myriad of other emotion's Matt was all too hammered to even think about noticing. However, what his hazel eyes did notice all too well was that this, everything he was seeing, this was perfection and the tightening in his pants suggested the rest of him fully agreed.

It suddenly occurred to him... he would be alone on the bus with Brian for at least a few more hours, as far as the others were concerned it was way to early to stop drinking. And boy, was Matt thankful. Goddamn, how he wanted to ravish this godly beauty of a man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BAAAAAAAACK! Ya miss me? ... No? Oh well.
> 
> Well, late update this is indeed. My reasoning? Well, for a very very long time (we're kinda talking years here), I have had absolutely no motivation to write anything and I was/am tired all the time. Recently I got my issue - partially - resolved. I'm told I am 'suffering' with severe depression and insomnia. Anyone who knows anything about either will understand why my updates are always so spread out and why I'm finding it hard to write regularly.
> 
> It's been at least two months since I've written a new part for this story so I'm forcing myself to do so now, figured I'd start with updating on here. There is two (hopefully at least three after tonight) pre-written chapters left so all is good for those reading on this site.
> 
> What do you think Matt's mind is conjuring up?  
> I'll let you in on a little something, (mainly so if you don't like reading this kind of thing you know to skip a chap or stop reading altogether) there will be a rape scene coming up, it's actually the part I need to write now - you can see why I'm struggling to write more.
> 
> To be completely honest, as much as I remember this chapter being hard to write and re-done several times, I quite like it, not too sure why though.
> 
> Please comment and thank you for reading! I love hearing from you all and expect updates a little sooner! :D


	11. Chapter 11

Matt had been dumbly staring up at the form of his friend for a while, and although he wasn't sure whether to cite the man as mere human or godly perfection, there were several things he knew for certain. Not only were his eyes glazed over but his mouth was hanging open and, along with probably having a slither of drool splattered across his lower lip and chin, he must have looked pretty brain-dead at that moment. But more so then that, he knew he had a rather obvious, large and extremely problematic bulge straining to split through his pants' zipper. The blood had truly drained from everywhere in his body leaving him unable to muster a single coherent sentence as it congregated in his throbbing groin. He was sure though that if someone attempted to find his pulse, it wouldn't be locatable at his neck or wrist. If a vampire tried to suck his blood they'd get barely a trickle from his upper body, but if they bit at his cock they'd get one of two things; either knocked out from Matt himself before they could claim his manhood in the way he had decidedly reserved for Brian only, or they'd get a shit load of blood and be feasting off him for a very long time - at least he'd get one hell of a blow job out of it though.

"Y-you okay, down there... Matt?" Brian shifted uncomfortably under Matt's piercing stare, feeling completely naked despite the cloth covering his most private parts, "M-Matt?" He mentally juggled the idea of going back to bed and leaving the door open so Matt could come in when he had snapped back to reality, he also was considering being a dick, shutting it, locking it, going back to bed and completely ignoring the larger man's yelling to be let in. However, it was neither of these he went with. No matter how Matt had acted towards him in the past few days, they were friends, brothers even, and ultimately he was concerned. Glancing towards the bunkroom longingly he put a foot outside and dropped onto the cold tarmac below, he stood awkwardly, unsure of what was best to do. As he itched at a tickle on his chest he noticed Matt's vision follow his movement but stay staring at his chest. "You okay man?" The singer was freaking him out and he didn't really want to drag the drunken deadweight to bed. He was sure he wasn't going to get a response but as he went to grab Matt, the bulky man lifted an arm and softly trailed his fingers over Brian's left pec and nipple, with a soft whisper his other hand joined in with the gentle caressing,

"So beautiful..." As Matt continued tracing the contours of Brian's defined chest and stomach, ghosting barely-there touches from shoulder to hips that prompted goosebumps to erupt over the guitarists' flesh, Brian became increasingly tense and uneasy. As his brain computed what Matt had said his eyes widened and his stomach clenched with nerves. Swiftly, Brian took hold of his friends' large and unusually smooth hands and attempted to look Matt in the eye.

"Matt. Look at me." Concern was etched into Brian's features and he gave up trying to figure out just how drunk the singer was, and began trying to figure out what he was going to do with his friend. Matt hummed softly as he shifted his hazy unfocused vision to look into those deep pools of rich chocolate, the same one's he often found himself utterly lost in, trapped within a moments glance. He leaned in with the intention of their lips meeting in a perfect Hollywood-movie styled kiss but of course, when you're drunk, you think everything will go to plan. However, truth and rational thinking shows that it never does. As Matt unsteadily leant his weight forward, Brian supported him. He was fully unaware of the intentions so it came as a surprise when Matt practically head butted him. Pretty damn hard too.

"Ow. Matt. What the hell?" Rather than answer, Matt simply found himself in a much too comfortable and long-awaited position, one that he'd make the most of. Without thought, his arms wound themselves around the other man's slim waist and soothed up and down the slightly chilled flesh of Brian's back, as he rocked side to side gently he felt the guitarist's arms loosely rest on his shoulders and nuzzled his head into his friends' neck, deeply inhaling the addictive scent he was happily familiar with. He whispered softly,

"So beautiful... So perfect..."

There was one thing in particular about Matt Sanders that wasn't common knowledge; he was a very unpredictable man and only those exceptionally close to him were aware how much and in which circumstances. When drunk, Matt's mood would alter at the slightest thing but the guys had always managed with it; there were key tell-tail signs to look out for. He could end up in the funniest mood, the most violent mood, a sleepy mood, a horny mood, a giggly mood, or like now an extremely affectionate and sweet mood. And to some extent with this particular drunken mood, he became clingy and needy in the most adorable way- like a child, Brian had long ago decided.

"What are we gonna do with you, my friend?" The guitarist mumbled more to himself, shifting slightly to avoid acknowledging the more-than-prominent boner said friend was sporting and was - by the feel of it - currently attempting to rouse some life into his own gentleman's area by gently pushing the bulge against his crotch, the larger man simply wrapped his arms tighter and answered nonetheless.

"Love me, squeeze me, never leave me." He giggled, tightening his hold around the other man at 'squeeze', for effect.

"Yeah. Okay." Brian chuckled, squeezing back. He reasoned that he should make the most of this mood while it lasted, despite the clear horniness. He figured he could try getting something out of the built singer while he was approachable and talkative - the old Matt they were all used to and loved so dearly. "Let's go inside yeah? I'm getting uhh... getting chilly."

"No, don't wanna move." Matt buried his head into the crook of the others neck. Inhaling the sweet scent of his most favoured smell. The feel of the smooth sun kissed flesh his face was resting on and the tender warmth it emitted was practically mesmerising to him.

"Tough Mattie, ya gonna have to." Matt softly shook his head defiantly and gently bit into the skin covering Brian's collarbone. Before Brian could protest the subtle attack, Matt lifted his head and brought his devious smirk into the others view.

"Nuh-uh. I'd have to eat you if we move." He moved to resume his previous position but Brian grabbed his chin before he could, staring straight into Matt's eyes and feeling much like a parent reprimanding their naughty child he told the intoxicated man exactly how it was gonna go.

"Matt. We're going to go inside and talk for a bit until you pass out or the others return. There will be no more biting either, this..." He gestured to himself, then pointed a slender finger towards the other, "... Ain't for you. Okay? Okay."

Matt looked away and bit at his plump lower lip, he sighed sadly, "M'kay." Brushing past a now very confused guitarist, he stumbled up the steps and flopped onto the first couch he saw. Still outside, Brian stared thoughtfully into the distance, trying to figure out the abrupt change he'd witnessed,

"Oookay.... I guess even **Matt** wants my body." He scoffed out a laugh in disbelief of his own words, unaware of the truth those words had uncovered.

When Brian gave up contemplating it all and hauled his ass onto the bus, he was met with a sight that genuinely warmed his heart a little and let a smile dance on his luscious thin lips. Matt was curled up on the couch, hugging a pillow between his chest and knees, practically suffocating the inanimate object with the vice like grip of his muscular forearms. He noticed Brian walk in and peered through his lashes in the guitarists' direction.

"Hey." Matt flicked his gaze down, scrunching his nose slightly whilst silently questioning why Brian had softly whispered a greeting at him even though it had been a handful of seconds since they last spoke and also, why he was looking at him like that. He looked back up to see that same cute smile on Brian's face, he couldn't resist smiling back a crooked, dimple-popping grin as he croaked back,

"Hi" Brian's smile grew wider as he headed over to Matt.

"Having fun there?" He reached the singers' feet and grabbed one of his large shoes, tugging it off with a bit of force. He chuckled when Matt simply lifted his other foot up sideways expecting Brian to do the same with this one, as he dropped the first shoe to the ground he glanced back at his friend and took hold of the second one. Matt had been intently watching and admiring, taking note of Brian's actions and the way his lean muscles rippled with every move. He sniffed harshly and scrubbed a large hand over his face before replying,

"Guess so." Brian chuckled again as he moved to seat himself on the other couch so he was directly opposite Matt, a shoe still clutched in his hand. He looked down at the shoe and then threw it towards its matching buddy,

"Dude, why do you have **such** big feet." Matt smiled slyly, wiggling his eyebrows,

"You know _exactly_ why, Gates." Brian opened his mouth to comment but quickly closed it and pressed his lips together, he rolled his eyes and let out a lighthearted sigh,

"Totally _not_ what I was thinking." Matt was content with simply watching the brown-eyed man in silence so he didn't respond. He observed as Brian sat back, a hand still subconsciously ghosting over his busted ribs, and as the guitarist let out a guttural groan from the back of his throat arousal spiked through Matt's veins, as need and want began pooling and mixing deep inside of his stomach, his cock started tingling and throbbing for attention. Brian was still unaware of what was going on in Matt's mind, not knowing the effect the small noise of protest had on his friend. He abruptly laughed once,

"Ignoring the fact that was a pornstar worthy groan, my back fucking kills. God, where's Val when you need her, she gives thee _best_ massages." He sat up straight and let his head fall back, exposing his partially-shaven, sun-soaked neck, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, teasing Matt as images of his tongue trailing a moisture slicked pathway from chest to chin poured through his mind, his dirty imagination forcing the image of Brian's slick throat to quickly alter into his envisionment of the guitarist's erect dick. Brian began rolling his shoulders back, soothing his muscles a little. His pink lips parted into a perfect oval and his eyelids drooped to conceal those luscious brown orbs. Matt sat up to watch at a less obscured angle and as a sensual moan fluttered from the guitarists soft lips and danced in the air space around Matt's head, he began to feel a little dizzy. Right now, Brian was the visual definition of erotic.

Matt licked over his full bottom lip and shakily stood, stumbling several steps till he reached his friend. As he shuffled his foot forward for the final time, his toe smacked into the bottom of the couch making his knee slide along the cushion surface to stop himself falling into Brian. Although, he was still unsteady and still a little intoxicated so once part of him was leaning forward it was inevitable that the rest would follow. Matt thrust one hand out in an attempt to prevent his full body weight from smashing into Brian’s smaller and heavily battered frame, but he still ended up practically perched on his knee. As he lifted his other leg so he was straddling the guitarist, Brian was now fully aware of their current position. He was pretty much gawping at Matt by this point as the singer began shifting his hips to get comfortable. Matt chuckled and lowered his head, his right hand curling around Brian’s shoulder as he angled his lips towards the other mans ear and murmured,

“I could help you with that, y’know…” He licked over his lips again and sighed softly, his warm breath tickling Brian’s flesh and making him tense instantly. He was frozen where he sat with eyes so wide they began to sting, his heart skipped a beat but his chest still rose and fell at a surprisingly steady rate. He swallowed thickly as he felt Matt circle his hips and shift a little closer,

“M-Matt… Dude,” Brian chuckled somewhat uncomfortably, his legs were getting a little numb from having the entirety of the singer’s heavy weight firmly resting on them but he couldn’t communicate to his brain to push Matt off, “Um… that’s _really_ not what I meant…” Matt chuckled darkly, the deep rich tones of his voice almost caressing Brian’s tingling skin,

“Then why don’t we **make** that what you meant…” Brian’s breath caught in his throat, he hastily shoved his _male friend_ off of his lap, brows furrowing as he tried judging the seriousness in his friends’ words. Once Matt’s ass had thumped onto the floor he began laughing, it seemed comical to him to see Synyster Gates so uneasy, to know how to make Mr. Straight Gates squirm. In his still-a-little-too-drunk-to-legally-drive state, he took it as Brian was playing hard to get; he quite liked that. Brian, however, took the laughter as; Matt was drunk and thought it was hilarious to wind him up. He choked out a laugh,

“... What the fuck dude…” He started slowly, allowing himself to laugh with his friend, he watched as Matt stood with the support of the couch and resumed his initial seat on the opposing couch, “You can’t _come_ on me with that shit...” Matt’s gaze shot up at the same time as his eyebrows did, a devilish smirk smoothing into his features, “What? … Oh, dude! **THAT** is _definitely_ not what I meant! Come **ONTO** me, like, like, flirt! That is what I meant to say...” They both laughed, albeit for different reasons but Brian didn’t know that, “Man, everything’s sounding _so_ kinky and wrong…. I must be real fucking horny! God, i need to get laid...”

Silence incased the two for a moment before Brian hummed softly, he plastered a look of feigned innocence and sincerity as he lifted his gaze to meet Matt’s, sounding as genuine and as honest as he could, he spoke his next four words as a gentle whisper,

“Maybe we should fuck…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yet again, I completely forgot about this site, this story, everything. I'm not very good at keeping up to date with unscheduled tasks. I haven't completed a new chapter for this story in months, there's maybe a few hundred words written for the big turning point moment (coming to your respective screens within the next two chapters... I think), and there's only like one more chapter pre-posted. So really, I need to get myself sorted and sit down to write but I never have enough free time or motivation to do so. I shall try though, because I don't want two sites to be waiting for the same chapter that I don't want to write at the moment. 
> 
> I'll make no promises, except that the next wait will definitely not be as long. :)
> 
> Comments are most welcome and much appreciated. 
> 
> Now, i'm sure a lot of you are like... 'what the hell' because for one, the dynamic between the two is very different than it has been. Two, Matt is acting very different but he is drunk. Three, he's acting very different than he was when he arrived at the bus but it kinda shows how comfortable he is around Brian without anyone else or any anger. Four, you may think he's being a little too comfortable, so much so that Brian may figure out? Five, you might be thinking that after everything Matt has done to Brian, he wouldn't be this casual with him so quickly and so relaxed, but in my mind, it's because they're such close friends and he knows he's okay with Matt when he's in this mood, he's trying to make the most of it too. And probably a lot of other things.
> 
> Let me know what you think, do you think he's serious at what he said? Just joking? Trying to see Matt's reaction to see if it's what he wants? Let me know.


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